Horrible things happen to children every day

And I struggle with this a bit, as a Mum. It feels like every time I log into Yahoo, there are dead babies or kids on their news front page. So much so that I am honestly thinking about killing off my account. And I don't watch the news. And there a lot of tv shows that I don't watch anymore.

Because I struggle to cope with these things as a Mum. I don't sleep as much as I should because I have trouble falling asleep - all these things flood my brain as I try to fall asleep, and I project them onto my family. And then I have to go read rubbishy stuff on the internet for a while, to put it out of my head, and try again. Hence the current sleep deprivation - which doesn't help with this stuff.

During my holidays I started re-watching and old show that I liked - something fairly innocuous that I could play while I was doing dishes or cooking or folding laundry, cleaning, whatever. Private Practice. I know I watched it after Angel died, because I noticed that a lot of the preemie 'medicine' on there is wrong - or at least not what I learnt when I was going through it. There was even an episode that was pretty nearly our experience and they did something that my doctors said no one would ever do. 

But I had never noticed how AWFUL the stuff that happens to kids in that show is. I mean really really awful stuff happens. Stuff that is seriously hard to watch as a parent. I think I am going to have to stop, because I really need to start getting more sleep, and the Wook goes back to work on Monday (so do I actually) so I can't really get anymore morning sleep ins to make up for it.

I don't know if my reaction to this stuff is normal, I never hear this from other people. That they have trouble sleeping because they have sort of nightmares that their kids are going to get sick or die. And it is starting to get a bit more than that too. Yesterday on the bus home from town, there was a man on the bus who was very drunk and who I took to be, if not homeless, then in some kind of life-style distress. And I was looking at my son thinking that it isn't impossible that could be his future. Mental illness, some kind of accident, addiction, abuse - that it one possible future for him. Obviously I will do all I can to ensure that isn't his future (and statistically it certainly isn't) but….

This is where my head goes these days. Admittedly not for long. I have the thought, I give him a cuddle and I move on and we do something…. but still. Is this other people's experience? Should I be seeing someone about this? Is it just my 'black irish' mood?

Christmas is over

Thank goodness.

It is exhausting with a 2 year old. And his OTT Grandparents. And a lot of friends.

Our Christmas day was long, with various Skype calls to family and friends before heading to the park with a friend to have breakfast. It was the first Christmas for her with her kids with their father, and we really didn't want her to be alone. We got to the Grandparents in time for Atti to have a nap while we started the long multi course meal. He woke up as we were eating the ham, and joined us at the table. A break to open gifts, then some desert, then some running around playing with the Grandies. 

One of the gifts he got (that is DEFINITELY staying there) was a spinning top that lights up and plays 'gingham style'. He had great fun dancing to it.

But then he started asking to go home, and I was with him. We came home and spent a quite few hours curled up on the couch watching The Gruffalo and The Gruffalo's Child together. Then early to bed for everyone.

I really need to remember next year the things that didn't work this year. It has all been a bit overwhelming for him, and too many parties, too much stuff, too much excitement. 

The days after Christmas have been a bit rough - re-entry I guess. He is tired (sleeping a bit less than normal at the moment), he is teething, the house is cluttered with new toys and there are lots of guests coming and going, his Daddy is off work for a few weeks so around a lot more, his normal routine is all different. I think he will be grateful to go to daycare tomorrow and get back to normal. The next three days will be mostly his normal routine, and that should be good for him I think. And I am going to take down the Christmas tree and pack away some toys to clear things visually and in terms of choice for him. And the iPad is going into hiding for a few days to give him a bit of a break I think.

I certainly have a clearer idea of what is going to happen next year, in terms of the whole thing being a lot less overwhelming. 

My photography journey

I was given a DSLR last year by a friend. He is a long time photography buff, who is a) a bit of a nerd, so he really gets to grips with any subject he is interested in, and b) he has a fairly high income, so he can indulge his hobbies with the best equipment and learning and so on. I had been chatting to this friend because I was interested in getting more into photography - at this point I had been sitting in baby playgroups for about 6 months, and had started snapping pix on my iPhone…. not out of boredom exactly… but you know. Lets say I had become interested in the record keeping and fun of babies.

Anyway, he was living overseas, and I called him up to have a chat about cameras, and what I should be looking at getting. Within budget constraints and so on. He gave me some advice, and I conceded that I would have to save up for a while, because it wasn't something I could just go out and buy right off.

Then two nights later he rang me back and said 'My old camera is sitting at my parents house not being used, so when I am home in a few weeks I will give it to you on indefinite loan. Which he did (he is a really awesome friend, quite aside from the amazing stuff he will pass on to you when he upgrades. Awesome guy), along with a stash of lenses and some other kit. I upped my portable contents insurance to ensure I could replace it all if anything happened, and an unspoken agreement became that I would photograph all his family functions, so he could actually do stuff with his kids and so on. It has worked wonderfully well so far.

In the year that I had his camera, I became a reasonable photographer - well of kids playing in natural light I did. My parents group loved it, as did various friends, and my daycare, who benefited from my new hobby.

Anyway, recently I acquired a whizz-bang brand spanking new version of the over-a-decade-old model camera he had given me. And promptly turned into a terrible photographer. All the bells and whistles will probably be wonderful, once I learn how to use them.

Because, of course, I am a mum to a 2 year old, a law student, a partner, have a household to run, have a part time job, am part of a sort-of-commune, and have various other responsibilities. In my little spare time I have preferred to watch tv or read or cook. However, I have two months off from most of my regular stuff, and so can finally work my way through the book and dvd that came with my camera, and months ago I bought access to a bunch of online photography classes. I also was given various books and toys (a light box set up for example) by various friends who are photo buffs too. So I have me a bit of learning to do, and I thought I would set up a separate section of my blog to track it.

This is just by way of intro, I will start on the journey in the next post.

Santa success

We had a bit of a win today, a Christmas Miracle.

My son walked up to Santa and took his present at the daycare xmas party.

Sounds a bit lame, I know. Miracle you sniff. As if.

But, this is last year's xmas party.

And so, you know, anything but this is better!

Awwww

We are having some teething issues over here… Atti's 2 year molars are coming in and he isn't having the best time of it. Dummies are pretty much all day at the moment, I am getting up when he has lost one and is crying at least twice a night now, and there are lots of tears, clinginess, not as much sleep and not as much eating.

But, in between that, we have had some really lovely moments.

I was cooking after his nap this afternoon and he was amusing himself playing with various toys in the next room. Until he marched into the kitchen, a little book tucked right up under his arm, took my hand and lead me out to his little table and chairs saying 'come on Mummy, we read this now'. And then we read the book, and after he march off to his room with the book tucked back under his arm. The book was 'where do kisses come from'. It was so cute.

We also had a pretty adorable playdate yesterday. Half of it turned into a nekkid playdate, so I won't be posting any pix from that, for obvious reasons (although, soooo much cuteness). But we moved indoors after a while, which required nappies, and from that point the videos and pix became publishable again.

So - the bit where Atti headed off for the bedrooms with his little mate's enormous teddy bear

And earlier that day we discovered a fake beach in the middle of town. So a quick shopping break at the beach was clearly in order.

Bit early isn't it?

I had both kids at my place the other day, and Atti announced that he 'wanted to go home'. I was a bit startled - he has been saying this A LOT lately, everywhere we go, but it was a bit… well weird given that he was home.

The startled feeling remained when Rio told him 'We ARE home Atti' - well one of you is…. and then he announced that he wanted to home and 'talk to Kira' (Rio's mum who lives upstairs). He stomped upstairs and I had to follow him up because I knew Kira was in the shower.

I was chatting to her later, telling her about this, and saying that I simply could not cope with the re-organisation that would be involved in swapping our kids!

Turns out it might have a bit to do with the present cupboard she maintains upstairs. She goes on big buy ups when there are kids toy sale of the particular small plastic and irritating toys Rio likes to collect. They live in the cupboard above the hallway, and Rio earns them in various ways. She and I recently went halves in a huge stash of the toys and figurines that come with a tv show both our kids like, and she has been allowing them to borrow toys from the cupboard for harmony in playdates. I did something similar when one of Atti's friends came over for a playdate the other day. Atti doesn't really know we have a similar present stash, so he has decided to move upstairs where the good toys are.

Well until he gets an owie. Then I notice it is home to Mummy quick-smart!

Critique?

As part of his bedtime routine, Atti has a bath, drinks some warm milk, gets into his pyjamas and night nappy, then we read a few books, then I turn out the reading light, put on the white noise, sing him a song and put him into the cot. He rolls over, I make sure he knows where the toys he sleeps with are and I put his elephant doona over him, and say good night and leave.

The last week or so, during the song, he has said that he wants to go to bed now.

Which is nice and all, but I'm wondering if I should be offended? I mean my singing isn't THAT bad.

LOL.

The Hairz

My hairdresser friend came over the other day to dye and trim my hair, and to give Atti his first haircut. I have so loved his curls, but it is hot here and he is a head sweater, so and it was far too long over his eyes.

But Oh Oh Oh - the curlz!

I did a bit of research into how kids salons cut hair, and we spend a couple of hours at the local park with C my hairdresser, and K her mum (who was one of Atti's neonatal nurses, coincidentally). Then we came home and put on some episodes of Octonauts on the iPad, and she cut his hair, with absolutely no dramas. 

We tried just a trim, but it looked weird and sticky-out when she did that so we actually cut it to a basic little boy hair cut. He looks a bit like a Beatle now. I mean it is fine, and the curls will grow back, but …. sigh. My curly mop child is gone.

And he does look a little older. I actually think he looks adorable in his favourite hat now.

Hmmmmm

There is a little girl named 'Cloud' in our sign class.

*blink, blink*

What the?

What is with the foot stomping? Lately Atti has been emphasising his point (I want the iPad, I want milk etc) with foot stomping. It is funny, but I can't work out where it has come from. A kid at daycare I guess, because there are no adults who are foot stompers around here. Nor are any of the older kids.

So the other day I wore a pair of cargo shorts and when I tried to sit down with Atti for breakfast he was horrified. "Mummy, noooooo. Those are Daddy's pants!" Freakin hilarious.

We have been making plans for the summer break, with me spending a lot more time with both Atti and Rio over the next couple of months. It is both exciting and … well I intend to plan well for the time or it won't end well. But it will be interesting.

Rio's mum and I have been having lots of chats about next year and how we are going to integrate our neighblings and families and our work/life balance next year. It is looking like a pretty exciting year is coming actually.

So what else is going on? Well, we have lots of xmas excitement happening here. Making decorations, decorating trees, shopping trips and presents and parcels arriving - the kids are getting pretty revved up about the whole thing.

I have been having a pretty sweet run the last few days. One friend who is moving to the other side of the country (sob, another one) is obviously sorting out what is going and what she is getting rid of, and she turned up with a book that was an old favourite of her daughter, and a beautiful china trio for me. Awesome!

Then I got some unexpected funds - yay. And then a psudeo-award from my uni. And an HD for my unit this semester. A great chat with a lecturer and my contract with the department at uni I have been doing casual work for was extended. All of which was very nice.

On the other hand my neighbour was burgled last night, and in a dead weird way too. I didn't hear a thing, which makes me a bit uncomfortable, as generally we hear each other around here. Everyone but me and upstairs-not-above's flatmate was out at a quiz night, and I spend the night cooking, making jam, sorting out the advent calendar and wrapping gifts. All over my flat, not sitting watching TV where I would have heard the guy.

Also, pretty cheerful that I didn't decide to go next door and try to get the vacuum cleaner or hang the laundry - both of which I was going to do, and both of which might have brought me into contact with the dude.

And while this was all weird of him - not much was actually taken, and…. and this is awful of me, I know - but in the hunt around the flat after he got home, we actually found the bloody missing train of Atti's.

See - my luck is kinda in!

Parenting and traditions

I am finding this year that I am doing various holiday activities that I have never really done before. For example I Atti and I are doing an advent calendar this year, which I have never done before.

It is interesting actually. I don't particularly want to give my kid a bunch of cheap crap from the $2 shop, but I am not sure what else to do since I am certainly not putting chocolate or lollies in there. I have recycled some of the toys that he hasn't picked up in some time, to give them a chance to get back in favour. I put some shells in there and a small rubik's cube that was a hit. But going forward I will have to think about how to do this - I think there might be a photo reveal board instead. Or perhaps an activity we will do together each day instead. 

We also put up our xmas tree in the first week of December, which I haven't done before. I tend to put it up later in December, often on Christmas Eve. But, you know, small children and neighbours who's trees were up early… and besides, I really love my xmas ornaments. I have been slowly collecting them for years, and buy a few really nice ones each year. And this year we have made a few ornaments of our own to add to the tree. It was less fun with a 2 year old than it could have been…. but hey, he is pretty proud of his snowman, and has taken to pointing to 'his' snowman, car, fairy, etc - basically all the ornaments at the bottom of the tree.

Most hilariously though has been the peacock worship. My neighbour needed a new tree topper this year, and her daughter had VERY specific ideas about what they were going to get. Ideas that reality totally failed, but lead her to the blue feathered peacock tree topper they now have. Which lead to two very excited children jumping and chanting 'peacock' for about 10 minutes while their mothers gave them serious side-eye. 

We are also planning a trip to see some xmas lights at local houses. Not sure about this tradition, as our kids pretty much go to bed before most of the lights go on. Atti definitely won't make it home awake, and my comment on the whole thing so far has been that we better find one of those nutty streets where there a few decorated houses together, or we won't see more than about 2. This tradition is totally in the wookie's hands, as neither of the mums involved care enough to do any planning.

Today Atti and his dad and paternal grandparents had their xmas party with his grandfather's society annual do. And we had the now traditional rejection of Santa! Last year we got the traditional photo of the small child hysterical when confronted with Santa. Today his grandfather was the Santa, but still nope, wouldn't have anything to do with him. We have at least three more meetings with Santa in the next few weeks -so that should be interesting.

Mum award

Seems unlikely I am going to win one.

We were at the shops yesterday, Atti and I. We were supposed to be going to a little xmas themed playdate with our parents group (which we didn't actually make it to). As I have not had time to do any baking lately, I was just buying a few biscuits to take and in the biscuit aisle Atti was enthusiastically asking for the tiny teddy home brand knock offs that he likes. I grabbed a bag of the mini bags and handed them to him…. and for the rest of the trip round the supermarket he was kissing all the characters on the bag.

Mother. Of. The. Year. Right here, I tell ya.

This morning we are going to attempt his first real hair cut (trim… really, I am NOT losing those curlz!)

The language explosion in Atti continues. I just get blown away by the things he says…. not always in a good way! He has taken to muttering in the car 'Mummy going TOO FAST. Mummy don't crash the car! No bumping Mummy!'. 

For the record - he is generally saying this when I am doing 60 or under. You know, the speed limit.

Today we had Rio over for an hour, and it is getting kinda fascinating watching those two interact. 

We have been doing an advent calendar with Atti and this morning he got a little rubik's cube. He has also found his Dad's mini cube, so he had two of them, and, not strangely, Rio wanted to play with one of them. She was asking him to share, and I was backing her up. Well he took off to his room and hid them (badly). 

I was interested in this, because I have always said that kids should be able to nominate some of their toys as things they don't want to share. In our case I intend on claiming that there are some toys that are in fact mine, and they are public goods. And that if you have friends over to play it is plain rude to then not share your stuff with them. That having been said, he can choose to put some things that he feels are precious away before the playdate. You can't have anything out that you won't share.

We have some versions of these kinds of rules in play now. Rio is not allowed to bring down any toys she won't share. When Atti is up there she has to put away non-share toys before he comes. And he is allowed to play with certain things we have deemed off limits. When friends come to play we insist on taking turns on anything another kid wants. If you won't share, you will be put on the stool to sit until you are ready to apologise and share. Or more likely end up in other room with Mummy have a cry and a talk about friends and sharing.

I was surprised that he is already getting the idea that he can put some things away and not have to share them. I ended up taking them off them both and putting them away and then getting out some other toys for them.

It got funnier because Rio was then working a whole bunch of angles to try to get hold of one of those cubes. I was amusing myself in the conversations we were having about it, but you know, there was also some education going on.

She kept referring to the cubes as 'ours'. I kept correcting her that they were Atti's. Eventually she was asking why they didn't belong to them both. I said why should they. She, all of 5, tried a 'communal property' argument on me. I said fine, so long as it also applied to everything in her flat. She tried pretty hard to come up with decent reasons why she should have rights over Atti's toys, without vice versa. It was an interesting morning. Then, thankfully, she went off to school.

I was then thinking about the fact that 5 year olds are annoying - they are such entitled brats. And it occurred to me that, yeah, they are, because that is what being 5 is really. This kid is NOT spoilt. She is being given a hard core grounding in manners and consideration and community and all the stuff you want to see in young kids. She is actually very considerate and polite. I have a couple of other kids that age I spend time with and I frequently come away thinking 'wow Rio is a bloody good kid'. But she is still an entitled brat. Because that is 5.

But here's the thing. The only reason it is so annoying is because you spend so much of the rest of your life surrounded by entitled brats. The amount of people these days who never seemed to outgrow that stage is staggering. And so it can be really hard to remember that she isn't actually a brat, she is 5 and at a normal developmental stage. Take any rage out on the non-5-year-old brats, not on the one who is actually age appropriate.

But I have to say, listening to the two of them invent and sing, loudly and lustily a song over dinner (the lyrics of which appeared to be "boat boat boat boat boat (then repeat)" was hilarious. They so adore each other. All the good bits of siblings…. not none of the bad, but a limit to the bad bits. Awesome-sauce. 

I love my communal living situation.

Home bodies

So today we have stayed home all day. Which is not normal for Atti and I.

But I didn't have any choice. The toddler has been firmly stating, all day long, that he will not go anywhere. "I say here Mummy" "Play trains/ready sorry". 

For a moment I thought I was going to be able to get away to the shops, when the 5 year old came home he was all keen to go upstairs with her. But before I could grab my purse, hat and shoes and get out the door he came sobbing back down the stairs.

*sigh*

I am wondering if he is sick actually, because this is NOT my Atti. Otherwise he has been great, playing with toys he doesn't normally, helping me do things, being sweet and funny. Nice big sleep. But determined to stay home and determined to stay with me. But not clingy with it, which is very weird.

If I had known this was what today was bringing, I could have stocked up and we would be fine. Perhaps I should plan a few more days at home.

TMI

I can't believe I am about to be this mum…. but there you go.

Atticus did a wee in the potty this morning. I can't believe how it made me act.

I did a happy dance with cheering.

I took photos. (not posted - you're welcome!)

I sent those photos (and you can't actually see the pee you know, in a red potty) to the Wookie and my Sister and my Mother. My Sister is the one who is going to think I have lots my mind. Oh and my neighbour.

I gave him a chocolate.

Poor little sod was so thrilled by it all, that after he did a poo later in the morning he announced he needed to poo in the potty and I rather stupidly went along with it. Of course he had already done it, and was wearing a cloth nappy and I found out in the bathroom and tl;dr - poo everywhere. Lovely.

And there it is. The thing I said I would never become - the mum who talks about poo.

The worst moment of my life

Happened today. 

I had Atti and my neighbour's daughter Rio, who is 5. I had taken both kids, on bikes, to the local park. 

It was stupid in lots of ways - too late in the day, it was hot, Rio thinks she likes and can ride - actually neither are true. Rio was being, frankly, a pain in the arse. She had ridden her bike for about 20 seconds of the whole trip. The rest she was walking… sloooooowly and awkwardly (she simply won't do something the way you show her. She has to find a new and awkward way of doing anything after you demonstrate the simplest way to do anything) with her bike the rest of the time. She was whinging. She had various freak outs. I nearly turned back less than 5 minutes into the trip. 

I really wish I had.

So we have to cross a pretty busy road to get to the park. The council took the zebra crossing off that road a while back, because it basically played havoc with the peak hour traffic and it is a really bad place to get backed up traffic. So I had two kids, two bikes and lots of traffic to negotiate. So on the way too the park I said 'Ok, I will take your bike and Atti on his bike. You run across the street when I say so'. 

Now, to make myself sound less nuts - I have seen her 'run'. She is as slow as a wet week. Saying 'trot' or 'jog' or walk very fast - we would never have made it across. So I said run. And on the way over it was fine. 

On the way back though.

Basically there was a bus blocking our view, and traffic that kept coming. And she miss understood what I was saying (I was talking about when we would go, not saying go). And she ran out onto the road, and so very nearly under an oncoming 4WD. 

I know everyone says 'my heart stopped'. But seriously, my heart literally stopped, I think, in those seconds. The only person more scared and shocked than me, I think, was the poor person in that car. That amazing person who managed to stop in time. 

Thank goodness. 

But time is weird in those kinds of moments you know. I honestly could see the other outcome at the same time I was watching them stop. I could see her being hit. I could see the ambulance and the phone call to her mother and the hospital and the funeral. 

And the scream. I honestly have no idea what I screamed. I know I screamed her name. But I don't know what else. Her mother asked me if the car screeched and I said I didn't know, because I could only hear me screaming.

Thank goodness they could stop. 

We got to the middle of the dual carriage way (yep, we then had to cross the other half of the street) and she had a bit of a melt down. I was basically standing there, looking at the sky, breathing. Rio was shouting that she didn't like running and no one should ask her to run, and I was just making myself breath in and breathe out, and stopping my mind from running.

Otherwise I would never have been able to get them home. 

But seriously, she was FINE about 3 minutes later. Chattering away and totally back to being annoying and dragging her bike and stopping to put the seat belt on her dolly and shouting at me for walking ahead (I would walk to a patch of shade and wait her her). 

I don't know that I will be able to sleep tonight. I suspect as soon as I try I will see that image again.

Her mum was awesome when we got home. Although neither she or the Wook understood why I didn't want a drink. Alcohol and a shock - a shock with a visual attached - doesn't seem like a good combo to me. 

Thank goodness she is ok.

Imagine trying to come home every day with your healthy living kid, to your neighbour after you killed theirs. Imagine trying to explain to your two year old why the girl who is functionally his sister is gone. Actually, I suspect I will be trying not to imagine this stuff for days.

Thank goodness they could stop.

Listen to me

You know those moments when you hear yourself back from your child? Atti has started saying "Listen to me" … which he totally gets from me.

So on the way home today, the Wookie and I were talking about whether we were needing to get anything from the shops, when this voice from the back of the car said 'listen to me, I want strawberries'. 

Good grief - what are we in for?

Needs the monies

Today I was asked by my toddler to give him some monies pleeze mummy. Several times in fact. I thought perhaps he had made the connection between money and purchasing, because we were at an ice rink (farm those places are coooooold) and he was wanting more 'black cake' (chocolate muffin the older kids had given him some of).

I don't know about all that, but when he was handed some coins, he tried to spin them like his Opa does (and luckily his mother knows how to do when it is necessary).

Such a funny day. We went out early to the veeeeery far away ice rink to watch my girlfriend-that-is-basically-my-sister's kids do a demo before nationals. My god the quality of ice skating in Australia is appalling, btw. And sadly I hadn't thought how cold it would be, and I was freezing. Then we hung out with said sister-friend and her eldest for a bit. Long enough that eldest is all Atti talked about the whole trip home.

Visit to another friend while Atti napped, and picking up a birthday gift, then off to one of the boys in our toddler group's 2nd birthday. Nice enough afternoon. I really need to learn how to use my speccy new camera because my photos are currently rubbish. Basically the first thing Atti did was smear blue texta all over his face, so another day of pix where he looks like he has eaten a smurf. Awesome. 

It was one of those parties where the kids outside of our group behaved so badly that they made our kids look bloody awesome. But then I came home and pretty much fell apart and have taken to my bed early. So good night…zzzzz

He also learned how to eat off a skewer today.

Latest sayings

Atti used to claim 'it's funny' when he would get in trouble for things like pushing the cat off a chair. With added 'der mum' emphasis on the 'funny'. I would, obviously, say 'it's NOT funny' in response.

So now when every anyone says anything is funny they are informed by Atti that it is NOT funny.

Which is pretty funny.

As of this morning we have gotten 'I can't' - but it is said 'Eye Cannes-t Mummy'. Also funny but must not be laughed at in response.

For the last few days there have been discussions about how he 'neeeeeds it' (usually his dummy), where I say 'no, you want it, you don't need it'. So lots of chat about want and need.

And as of this morning there is lots of comment about his pen_s. He was grabbing it in the shower this morning and saying 'Mummy look', so obviously I told him what it was called. Now he is talking about it a lot. But I can't quite catch it on snap chat to send to my sister….. LOL.

Yesterday morning when he woke up (at 5am dammit) he was calling out to me that 'Mummy I can hear you. Mummy I can't see you'. I called back that it was because it was dark and so it was still time to sleep (sadly it is NOT dark here at 5am anymore) to which he responded 'It's NOT dark Mummy'.

You know when you write them down, it's not that amusing really. I must be sleep deprived!

Got this

We had a little playdate this afternoon with his friend O. His mother and I have some specific plans around them being only children, one of which is playdates at each other's house so they have to learn to share their toys. 

Today was Atti's turn to be invaded. Mostly it was fine. Atti has the hang of 'my turn now' so that helped a bit. He got smacked in the face with a train at one point, which wasn't great, and the two of them went all godzilla on the train set, but it was fun.

And there was scootering.

Lots of fun had by all. I am pretty impressed actually, he seems to have gotten the hang of it, mostly. And he did really well on O's new good scooter, so it seems that it might be worth getting him one.

Also, both boys are gorgeous cuddles, so we got lots of cuddles too - both mums and both boys.

Motherhood and sacrifice

I was chatting to another mum outside of daycare this morning. We have sons about the same age, and we are often dropping them off at the same time. Every now and again one of them will get very upset and so we have had the 'worst mum in the world' chat once or twice out the front.

This morning it was her son and we were chatting about this article. This woman claims that having her children was a mistake. I find it interesting for a couple of reason - I particularly like the way this woman has broken THE biggest taboo, but is also a serious warrior in the Mommy Wars - as the judgement to women who don't stay home with their kids is quite something.

To me, the problem for this woman is obvious; if your view of motherhood is that you have to sacrifice everything you love in life to the alter of motherhood, why would you like it? Of course you are going to regret that choice. 

My fellow daycare mum and I were talking about the benefits we have seen our kids get from daycare - I was telling her about how Atti sat at a birthday party so beautifully and patiently last weekend, waiting for his cake. And how that HAS to be daycare - because where else is he waiting for food? Or much else in reality - what with being an only child. Daycare has taught him that he will get given his share, and he can just wait until that happens. 

And other things. We were also talking about how we are much happier utilising some outside assistance in our parenting. I mean in my case I am at law school, so there was no option to stop or anything like that, so I had to include other people in raising Atti. And I have never regretted it, he is such a happy social child, and so well loved, that it has clearly been a benefit to him.

Why do we hold onto this idea of motherhood equalling sacrifice? I mean sure, to some degree that is going to be true - someone is going to have to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, but why is it we think that we have to sacrifice ourselves 100%. I just think we are missing an excellent opportunity to re-create some community in our lives, and set up the idea of community for our children. 

And it benefits everyone. The kids have more people in their lives - so more viewpoints and people they can turn to, more to learn from, and flat out more love (downside is possibly more xmas presents too). Most of the people in Atti's life think spending time with him is a pleasure and benefits them too When uni finished this term my neighbour was a bit sad to think she wasn't going to have him for a couple of hours each Monday, so we have kept that going. Atti adores her and her daughter and loves going upstairs - and they all enjoy it. My in-laws would be bereft if I cancelled their day. My close friends and their kids all love the time they get to spend with him - and he loves their attention. I have a photo of my friend's kids - teenagers - playing trains with him, and he was beside himself that the big kids were playing with him. 

And next year, we will love having my Thursday friend's new baby for a day a week. And it will help her and her hubby, sure. Just like it has helped me. But oh, it will be so wonderful for us, that it is ridiculous to claim that we would do it to help her alone. Or that she owes me.

The article this woman wrote makes me realise how isolated some parents are - and that so much of it is by choice. We need to reach out to each other, to form communities of parents and friend and create groups, no, villages to raise kids. Hillary was right you know, it takes a village.

Opie Lovin

Atti has started spending all of Tuesdays with his Oma and Opa. I drop him off and come home to work for the day, and Opa brings him back about 5pm.

They take him out to a library reading time, which is a bit of a disaster because he runs about and climbs everything (which is why I used to take him to toddler gym on Tuesday mornings), then to a cafe, then home to nap, then lunch and today he and his doll were off on a shopping trip.

I kind of wish they would adapt what they do to suit him a bit more, so I wish they would take him to a park rather than a cafe - something physical rather than a story time - that kind of thing. But you can't fault how much they adore him, or how happy he is to spend time with them. I was basically chucked out this morning by my son! 'Bye Mummy' and he shut the door on me!

I had concerns when I was pregnant about how involved they were going to try to be in our lives. The Wook is an only child, and his parents are VERY interested in him and his life. They will literally join in with everything they can, and his mother will openly try and invite herself to anything we do that doesn't include her. We rather famously didn't go away with our best couple friends to Thailand one xmas holiday, after she spent the year we were talking about going planning to come too! But they are wonderful - especially Opa. He is my greatest helper in raising Atti. And totally supports me in the approaches that I take.

I do still wonder sometimes if their love and attention will weigh on him as he gets older, and if it is mean to not give him a sibling to share that weight. But, whatchagonnado - I will deal with that when the time comes. For today, I am just grateful they have such a great relationships.

Zoo breakfast

We are members of our city's zoo, and today was their annual member's breakfast. It was an utterly brilliant, even if it was 'orribly 'ot.

There was a good singer and keyboardist, and Atti had a fine time grooving away to them. Then there was the spray on tattoos, which I thought he would baulk at but….

wrong - he went back for a second!

There were games and some ride on animals, and food and painting - it was a fabulous morning. They have the function before the zoo opens, so there aren't any crowds. It was brilliant. And the event ended with a walk through by an elephant!

It was all marvellous. We had a wonderful time and will definitely go back again next year - though next year we are going to put down our blanket in the shade, not down the front in the sun!

To finish off, my best zebra and giraffe pix from this morning

Manners

It was my god-son's 6th birthday party today. They had a small-ish party at one of those huge kids play centres. Great idea, that play centre was fantastic. Atti had a great time, mostly. He was especially adorable with my god-son's younger brother. But the bit that I found the most wonderful was the 5 minutes where he sat patiently, hands folded, waiting politely until he was given a piece of cake after the song and candles bit. I was astonished.

Daycare has been worth every single cent. Because it is the only place he has ever had to wait his turn for food, so it has to be there that he has learnt that he will get a piece of cake, there is no need to carry on, just wait and someone will give you a piece sooner or later. 

Magnificent moment as a mum. Youngest kid there, best behaved at the table.

Atti and the brother of the birthday boy

He so wants to be a big kid

Awesome variety of ride on toys

My crazy two year old trying to do the flying fox

Photo

We had some family photos taken a month or so ago. My favourite is….

Scooter

I was given a couple of second hand scooters today, so we had a little scooter fun in the carpark of the business behind our house.

Wake ups

I have been woken up the last few mornings by Atti shouting 'come back Mama' from his room.

No idea. Last night I wasn't even the one who put him to bed - I was in the bath, with wine and the new episode of Elementary!

Halloween

Halloween isn't a particularly big holiday in Australia, and I reckon there are a lot of people who have no interest whatsoever in picking up another American 'thing', let alone one that means their kids eat more sugar.

However, both years since I had Atti, his daycare has had a little Halloween party (if only by the skin of their teeth today), and I have put him in a costume for the day, and both years have managed to take some pix of their party. It was nice. This year, since for a bunch of reasons they only decided they could have the party on the evening before, I made them some biscuits (can anyone say procrastinating from your tenancy law study?).

This year one of my neighbours accidentally discovered on her way home that a small part of the next suburb over has taken on halloween. In a couple of block radius, lot so the homes decorate and do trick or treating. She got home thoroughly excited about taking the kids, and she even got into costume. Mine was still in his costume, and it was easy enough to chuck a dress on the other one. I currently have the two seats (neighbour who is the parent of Rio and I have an extra seat we switch between our cars on the days we are taking the other's kid), and I wasn't going off to work tonight, so I was elected to go with the kids and drive.

I have to say though, it was lovely. It is a really nice neighbourhood thing where I was. Lots of families walking around, some tween and teenagers, the people who set up their houses were great. Most just did a few decorations and a bowl of treats - some just left a bucket on their doorsteps. Others went all out and had activities and all. I think my favourite decoration was this…

Then again, we also stumbled across a dalek…..

It was hilarious actually. Atti loved that he was going off and doing something with Rio, and for the first two blocks he was into it. People were giving him things, he put them in his bucket, wandered a bit further holding either Rio's or my hand - it was fine. Then it was basically his bedtime, he hadn't had dinner and he was just wanting to be cuddled and carried. About two thirds of the way round, I offered him a banana lollie from his bucket, because he really probably did need to eat. And then he was alive again, let me tell you. Kept eating from his bucket, was willing to walk again - excited to go up to people and get lollies and chocolates - now that he realised that is what was happening. 'My bucket'! he kept telling the neighbour. We might still be there if he had worked out what was going on at the start!

Return

When Atti was a  baby, I had a friend who used to babysit him on Thursday mornings, so I could make it to my Civ Pro class. She would collect him in the mornings, with her two kids, and I would head over there and have lunch with them then, when he woke up from his second nap, I would head out for the afternoon. It was kind of awesome.

It was also cool because I had really wanted to join my local council's adopt-an-ederly-lonely-person program (which was I think actually called something like inter-generational visiting). They were really keen for people with small kids to do it. I simply could never lock down a specific time I honestly thought I could keep up. But this friend, who had loathed mother's group and other group activities she had tried, had instead found this altzheimers home who had a playgroup. As in people come and bring their kids, and they run a morning tea for people with altzheimers and for the parents and kids. I was rapt in it all. 

Anyway, another I mentioned it to my mother's group, and one of the new mums was interested. Her hubby is a researcher in Altz and she is a really good woman, that one. She has been going ever since. Oh and the friend that took Atti both stopped having him when he was about 7 months old and stopped going to the group. Not really sure what either of those things was about.

Anyway, I went to the home today for the playgroup. That mum from the mother's group and I have become friends, Atti loves her and her kid and her hubby and was asking if we would see them today. I didn't have plans, the weather was rubbish, I had some errands to run and I figured I could do that and then pop in at the home's playgroup.

I'm really glad I did. It was a nice morning. There were only the two of our kids, and my friend's son, J, was absolutely delighted to see us there. There are two young guys there that work or volunteer there, and they were both absolutely delightful with Atti. Atti found their piano, and was in 7th Heaven playing it. One of the guys took to dancing as Atti played and he was just thrilled about that. Most people thought his 'playing' was wonderful, but I did notice there was one elderly woman who was grimacing pretty much every time he struck a note. Oh well. And it honestly wasn't that bad - he was only keying one key at a time, so you know, it isn't that rough. Besides, they were playing Andre Rieu there, so it isn't like they have any musical taste….;p

I am definitely going to go again. I can only stay 45 mins to an hour as the time they run the group is not particularly well combined with his nap, but I can push it a little now and again. And he had a delightful time. And I like the idea that there is some community service to it - I don't feel like I do enough of that. 

Feminism and F bombs

Love it.

Don't watch if swearing bothers you.

Bolter

Atti is fast turning into a bolter. And I am not too sure how I am going to handle it.

We have done a lot of work about stopping at the back and looking for cars. And Neighbour K has introduced the 'freeze' game. But he has bolted in carparks with both side grandparents in the last week, and this morning he totally freaked my mum out by running away at gym, and nearly being hit by a car. She was still shaking 3 hours later when she got home.

And apparently he has been doing it to the other grandparents too, but I hadn't heard about it. He did it to me at a park the other day - I went to put something in the pram, and when I turned back he was heading for the (seriously busy major) road that borders the park. I only got to him about 30 cms before the road. 

I know I know - reins. I could get over the horrible concept if I thought it wouldn't be world war 3 to ever get them on him. So I need to so some thinking. Because at the moment you seriously can't give him a millimetre or you will be scraping him up of a road.

Two

This age is so interesting. I mean, crazy making and frustrating too - having to negotiate clothing and food and so on, when it wasn't that long ago that I could just put clothes on him, you know. The fighting to get him into the bath, and then the fight to get him out of the bath *sigh*.

But it is amazing to watch him grow and learn and think. Acquire language and skills. Just amazing.

He has suddenly really go into singing. Unprompted by anyone - he will just start singing the Thomas theme song or his favourite song 'friends' or the 'pack away song' that they sing at daycare. It is loud, off-key, lusty as all get out and, often, with words he clearly doesn't know. Doesn't stop him in the slightest. Frikkin hilarious. 

And he understands 'sore' and what that can get him. He will suddenly stop what he is doing, apropos nothing, and start claiming to be 'sore mummy'. He will then walk over to me like he has become the Notre Dame bell ringer and point to some random place on his body and proclaim it 'sore' followed up by 'kiss it betta'. He will also kiss your boo boos better too. Even if you don't know you have them - I was a bit startled when he got down on his hands and knees the other day to start kissing my feet!

He loves it when the Wookie and I are together doing things with him. Any time he is a cuddle with us both he is in heaven. And he understands sharing and turns - and will make us all take turns to have a drink out of his cup or whatever. Mummy's turn, Daddy's turn, Nanna's turn, Atti's turn. Which makes me a little less thrilled about how long it can get for him to agree to share a toy with a friend… but whatever eh. He generally will eventually share the damn train or whatever.

He is hit and miss with food, but in the last couple of days he has been trying everything and liking some strange stuff. My mum loves liquorice, a taste shared by none of her off-spring, but apparently both of her grandsons. He was asking her for 'some some' today, and she handed him a piece and we both stood there expecting to pick it up off the floor in a minute - but he ate three pieces! Aniseed of all things. Tonight we went to a food hall for a quick chinese dinner and he was pointing to all kinds of things on mine and the Wook's plates that he wanted to try. Scarfed down some mini spring rolls, various bits of chicken and fish, lots of omelette and finished it off with some jelly. I know, not a healthy dinner or anything, but good in terms of being able to eat out a little and expand his palate.

He has recently changed his favourite books to a new one that was a birthday present from our neighbour, and one that was a present at his welcome home party 'each peach pear plum'. He can read along with me now, and I really must film it one night to send to the friend who gave him the book. I will have to start some more set reading times - in fact, given the early mornings that drive me up the wall, maybe once Nanna has gone home I could start a before 6am reading session too, if he is up.

Disaster concert

So I took Atti to his first concert today - disaster!

First, we were supposed to go with Rio and her mum, and they had to cancel last minute. I think it might have worked better if she was sitting with him.

The train ride out there was fun though - he loved that.

But the concert….hmm. He was alright through the first 2/3rds, but he was sitting on me for pretty much all of it. When they started a lot of little kids burst into tears, and so there were a bunch of mums  outside in the hall, basically missing the concert. Mine didn't cry til the last third.

The (apparently) terrifying gekko

Not sure what set him off, but we had on/off tears - but then I really made it worse by asking if he wanted a biscuit (yep) and leaving him on the cushion by himself while I wandered off to get them. I did explain I would just be a minute - but he was in absolute floods inside a minute, and he didn't really get right until we left. He was actually asking to go home, poor sausage.

Train ride home was not as much fun, as it was too crowded to let him out of his pram - he got to run about the carriage on the way up there. We did stop at a park on the way home, but it was pretty quickly over as he made a run for the (very busy) road that borders one side of the park. I only just got to him less than a meter from the edge of the road. 

So we went home to bed. And when he woke up from his nap, Nanna got him up but he was sobbing for Mama for ages, so I gave up trying to work and had to head out and let him snuggle on me for a half hour or so. Then he was fine to head off to the park with Nanna. Who he apparently made climb up and slide down the slide after him (so he could be 'bumped' off the bottom of the slide) for about an hour. (sucker! Mama doesn't do that).

Nice dinner with Rio, and bath and story time. Happily-ish went off to bed. Now if he could just sleep in tomorrow……

My child, who cannot do the slide the normal way

Singing in the cot

We have a new thing happening over here - singing in bed. The other night he was objecting to going to bed, so we sang a song together and after I put him in his cot I suggested he sign to Teddy and Idris. And he did - off key and loudly for about 40 minutes. 

He has never really been one to talk in bed or anything - it is either shouting for Mummy or Daddy or silence. Lately you will hear him talking to the toys or himself in the morning for a little bit, but that has been about it.

Tonight there was a bit of singing too, even though it was a much later bedtime than normal.

Actually tonight was a lovely night. Atti's nap schedule today went a little haywire, and he had a sleep from about 11.45-12.15 but then wouldn't go back to sleep. Then he slept from about 2 til 4 in the afternoon. Which was great, but made a 6.30 bedtime a little unlikely. About the same time my neighbour had a crisis and wasn't going to be able to make dinner.

So we took the opportunity and went out for a walk about 6 and had dinner at the local pub. For once Atti was going to be up late enough that it was a realistic option so we jumped at it and took mum out for dinner. It was lovely actually - the games on our phones before the meal was served and after he had finished eating meant that we had little arguments about the high chair, and he was a bit adorable telling the staff that 'it's yummy' about his dinner. So that was nice.

We also had had a lovely excursion this morning, heading to the old fire station, that is now a museum for the emergency services. Particularly well done up for kids. There are puzzles and drawing, there are things to crawl through and a climbing wall, and there are fire trucks that the kids can climb into and explore. So we did all of that. It was a nice morning.

To soften up the heavy

Bit dark all the posting here lately. Lets lighten it up a little

Birthday present - a couple of days early

Lion I saw today - seriously this close.

Pregnancy and Infant loss day

I know, I am a few days late. But I find this day a bit stressful (not alone I am sure). For me it is that this was Atti's due date - and it is a bit surreal to find your 'rainbow baby' is due on the day we remember our lost babies. Very odd.

Also, this year I am dealing with my friend's situation. She has had a premature membrane rupture (which is how we lost Angel) at 26 weeks. She is on bed rest for the duration, it seems to have self sealed and her contractions have lessened if not gone. So there is a chance she will get a bit further along. But her baby will still be premature, and given that Atti spent time in the NICU after (full term) birth, muggins here is who sat down to talk to her about what it is like to have a preemie, and spend time in the NICU.

I was ok during the conversation, I managed not to be flip about any of it, I think I managed to get her to hear me but not scare her off. I think I managed to focus it enough on specifics that it might have got through. I hope so. There is some stuff that if you know ahead of time, it is an easier ride. And anything that makes this stuff easier - grab it with both hands.

But driving home I realised I was struggling a bit. Not that I am on Facebook or anything, but it is pretty hard to ignore Oct 15, and all the sad/bad poetry and stuff that comes with it. It is a time when I would normally disconnect my emotions about my dead kid and my spent-the-first-week-in-NICU son, given all the heartbreaking stuff flying around, and it is assignment and exam time at uni - distractions are not awesome. But I had to actually connect with that stuff to be able to talk to my friend about it all, genuinely and with insight, and that was hard.

I never think about Angel getting older. She would have been about six months younger than my niece, so I kind of had a guide I guess, but it never really enters my head. I know my mum thinks about it -  when Atti was a baby and my Niece was cuddling him, Mum teared up and said that that is what my family would have looked like. But I never see it that way. The reason I bring it up is that it wasn't til mum was coming to visit I realised that Rio is two months younger than Angel would have been. And the two kids do look alike - and that was the first time I had thought of it - realising that Mum would see it. I'm not sure that that has any relevance to this post really. Other than an added stress to the day.

So I should go, and find a quiet corner to think about my lost baby. 

Saviour

Nanna is heeee-ah. Thank goodness. This mama has sooooo much work to do, and no time to do it. So a couple of days where I can go out to uni (and a couple of weekend days where I can't imagine when I can get anything done) are going to be great. Nanna can step in for Mama - yay!

Apparently he gave her a bit of side-eye when she showed up at daycare to get him today. The staff asked if he was going to go with Nanna and he very decidedly said 'Yes'. They went off to the park and apparently once they were there it was 'Nanna, nanna, nanna!'. Nanna come on. Nanna look. Nanna help me. She was pretty chuffed. I was all 'there are photos up of you everywhere. We Skype with you regularly. We talk about you a lot. We also told him you were coming. Why so surprised?

Nanna also brought books from the Thomas series. And one from the creepy tv show that I don't like to admit my kid watches. Ah well. At least it is books, right? Could have been stuffed toys. Or more clothes - actually they came too. And a Thomas bag. Good actually because I need another bag for him. I want to have a series of bags packed at the door; daycare bag, a backpack that replaces the nappy bag, a swim bag and an 'out with other carers' bag. So that I can pre-plan and pack and not have to be remembering everything the morning we are heading out. Especially if he is switching to spending a whole day with Oma and Opa from now on.

I find I am a bit touchy about my parenting and cleaning and so on with my mum here. I don't have much time at the moment, so I am a bit more crap than normal I admit, but I am feeling the pressure. Considering that she had three kids and worked full time, our house wasn't particularly tidy or clean, but she sure can bring the judgy-judgy about it.

Dammit

One of my two high-risk pregnancy friends has gone into early labour and has been hospitalised indefinitely - basically until the baby is born. Tomorrow she will be 26 weeks. %^*#@!

So I am going to visit her later in the week, and I am going to offer to talk to her about what it is like to have a a baby in the NICU, what she can expect when she gives birth, what her baby will look like, etc. I know in both my experience of birth there are things that I wish I had known in advance. 

I don't know if she will want me to. I kind of hope she says no, in a way. I mean, she needs to know this stuff - but I honestly don't want to talk to her about it. I don't madly want to relive it - it is one thing to be talking to my neighbour about what I need to talk to her about - where I can be flip and funny about the whole thing. But taking to her, lying in bed at 26 weeks trying desperately to hang onto her daughter's life - I can't be funny about it. I am actually going to have to remember that stuff, and all the feelings - and share them with her. And that is going to be very very hard.

And it isn't like this next week, fortnight, month isn't already going to be crazy. I have an assignment due, a tonne of transcribing to do, and an exam in a little over a fortnight. Oh and a research paper I didn't hand in 6 months ago and a domestic violence presentation for high school students.

Awesome. this should be a fun month. At least my mum will be here for part of it.

Family dinner

It was small tonight - just 5 adults and Atti. It was actually quite lovely - the good was great - even if I say so myself - the potatoes were that lovely crispy outside and soft inside, the beef was good and cooked well enough and juicy (and not expensive at all actually), and the brussel sprouts were yum. 

These dinners are interesting in terms of people watching. The friend who's house it is held at, tends to take a pater familias role on these nights. And it is soooo not his normal self. He tells the kids they are not allowed to get down til they are excused, he tells off anyone who swears etc. It is really interesting. He has really taken the 'teach the kids how to sit at the table and have dinner' bit of these nights as the core reason for them. It's actually pretty funny.

Tonight went fairly smoothly, except for the guys swearing up a storm making DrM (pater familias) really grouch at them, and Atti not eating a thing (situation normal there). He did manage to decorate his high chair with the 'sauce' (gravy) and used his train to make tracks in it. Awesome.

But the really lovely bit was when we were leaving. Atti sat on my lap at the dining table waving and saying 'bye' to each person, and when I asked him if he wanted to give anyone cuddles he walked across the table (yeah not awesome) and gave all three of my neighbours cuddles and kisses. It was very cute. 

My mum is coming to stay for two weeks next week, so I will have to clear our dining table and bring it back into use. We can start sitting at the dining table together, which should get him a bit more used to it all. And I will make an effort to ensure he gets more attention - it occurs to me that we make the kids sit at the table, but no-one really talks to them. We all talk to each other, but they are kind of ignored, while being watched and sort of hassled a lot. Might be a good idea to include them in the conversation too.

Dogs

Atti is afraid of dogs. When he was about 7.5 months old we went to visit family on the east coast, and there were two dogs - mum's little shoe-buffer dog, whom he loved (and stole all his toys) and my brother's staffy - whom he most decidedly did not. He burst into tears every time he was in the same room.

I mean I get it, while a lovely dog, the staffy is all muscle and wriggles and energy - all power and fury and bigger than him. He would knock him over bouncing round the room. 

It was funny actually, our friends who had a baby about the same age had a dog and Atti was fine with him, and he was actually bigger than the staffy, but when we came home from that trip he was terrified of him too.

So we try to get him to pat nice calm dogs in parks - we used to visit our local parks at 7am each morning, and I got to know all the local dogs being walked, so we knew who had a dog who would be fine. But it hasn't really improved. My neighbour had her mum's little Chihuahua come and stay in the flats quite a bit, and he got used to her just fine, but you know, chihuahua - I'm not sure he thought it was a dog.

All this is by way of saying that we had a playdate at a friends place today, and the way I got Atti to get it together and put down the trains and get into the car to go to the playdate was by telling him they had a dog - he was so excited about it. Until it got within about 3 feet of him at any point in the day - they he would burst into tears. He forgets he doesn't like dogs til he is near them - he sees them across the park and runs over to them, then bursts into tears in fear when they are actually near him. Totally, hilariously bizarre.

My mum is coming to visit next week, and I kind of wish she was bringing her dog. Maybe that would help. I also kind of wish we had gotten a dog when our cat died, instead of another cat (a creepily identical cat). Only in that it might have helped him get over it. But we live in a flat, and dogs are hard in a flat - and I would have to walk it (and when would I do that). Also, it is harder to rent with a dog, so I don't need that stress either. But I wish he liked dogs - none of the other kids in our playgroup was freaked out by the dog. And he is such a fearless little thing in almost all other ways.

Persistence… is it a virtue?

I may have commented before on my kid's persistence. People who don't have persistent 2 year olds think this is a good trait. And I'm sure it is, when he is 25 and discovering a cure for something. In a 2 year old it means that he can go on for an hour about wanting to watch Thomas. And saying 'no baby' doesn't cut it. Or deflect him at all.

But today I noticed that he seems to think that the cuter he can be in asking, the better it will go for him. He spent about 5 minutes today making cute faces and lifting up his shoulders and so on, asking to watch tv. It was hilarious, in one respect, but how has this kid assimilated this already? I really doubt that any of the people who care for him respond to vamping - but that was pretty much what he was doing today. Vamping for tv. Help me, this is only going to get worse, isn't it?

Neighblings

Living in a communal-ish place, Atti has a pseudo-sibling, Rio. She is 5 and great. Mostly. 

They had developed this wonderful 'neighbling' relationship, that recently went a bit sour. Why? Not sure, there were a few things contributing I think. Atti has hit the stage of pushing and hitting and pulling hair when he doesn't know how to engage with people. So there was that. Also, she was kind of inciting him to behave badly. And she was treating him pretty poorly and her manners had kind of hit the skids. She seemed to have gone off all of us - the Wookie and Atti and me as well.

I had had enough two weeks ago when I picked her up to take her to the zoo with us on Friday afternoon and she changed her mind about coming half way there and I had to go back. I realised that this had been happening a lot lately - coming downstairs to play and then leaving 5 minutes later, that kind of thing. Entirely her prerogative to change her mind, except the 2 year old doesn't understand it and is sobbing on the floor for the next 15 minutes after she leaves.

So I decided that we would keep them apart for a week - we had a public holiday that week on the day that they pick him up from daycare and he spends the afternoon with them, so his father would have him that day, and it was school holidays so I could easily organise playdates with other friends so he wouldn't miss the stuff he did with her.

So that was the plan. It seems to have worked reasonably well. We went back to normal yesterday and they collected him from daycare and he spent the afternoon with them, and had dinner with them and his dad. It all went really well. Today I took the two of them to gym class, and we had a picnic with another friend and her toddler after, and that went just fine. So that is promising.

I was also really pleased to notice that her mother seems to be noticing some of the behaviour that I didn't point out when I suggest a week apart. I just said it was because of the mind-changing and the effect on Atti. I was waiting to see if anything changed before I brought up any other stuff. But there have been some conversations about her impact on him, and she has told us that she doesn't like him hitting her - so we have had some conversations about how we handle him learning to interact with others. I particularly like that her mum has decided to address the issue of the 5 year old telling me how to deal with my toddler all the time - yay. So now she doesn't try to handle things herself, she comes and tells me.

I am really pleased. I need to make an effort to re-bond with her myself too - part of my problem is that the stuff I try to do with her, she doesn't want to do. Or stuff I could do with her - like swimming (she can't do) or cooking (not interested at all) - you know the stuff I am good at and know how to do with kids. So I need to have a think about that - I think she and I need something that we do together too. For her to be willing to take on responsibility for my toddler (and she does need to) and to be willing to help us educate him, she needs to like me enough to want to help I think. I know she loves Atti, but that was sort of turning into more of a problem than a help for a while there.

photo post

Waiting for the bus

Another family dinner, another meal he didn't eat much. We sat the kids apart, but they still ended up hanging out together and waving to each other for most of the meal.  Worst think was probably him asking for chocolate - he can say is clearly dammit. And it is really weird, cause I didn't think he had eaten it enough to, you know, name it. I was wrong. He loves it, I gather.

What the? Who is this child?

My friend from mother's group had a work meeting today (she normally doesn't work today) and I had said I would take her son for the morning. She dropped him off, and we played with trains, and sat down to 'breakfast' (He had had brekkie, and Atti has some toast with his dad in the morning but we have a later breakfast on the days I am home - on daycare days they eat at 9am). The first astonishing thing that happened was that I heard Atti saying 'my turn please' to the other boy about one of the trains.

Asking to have a turn? Acknowledging you know what that means? Hip hip hooray.

And then the were offering each other trains to play with - no all the time, but some of the time. I was gobsmacked. And to ensure even-ness of reporting, Atti also had to have his ball pryed out of his hands at the park, because he wasn't willing to share, but still. Sharing trains voluntarily - I am floored.

Atti also was utterly delighted his friend was coming out with us - he excitedly got into the back seat in the pram, and then spent the whole walk to the park (thankfully only about 7 minutes) calling out to his friend, saying he was in the back. And throwing out his toys - his friend is far more beautifully behaved in that kind of way. And he was devastated when they left after lunch.

They were quite delightful at the park, mostly. When we first got there and I got them both out of the pram, they took off in opposite directions and I had a moment of thinking this was going to be a dismal failure and I was going to be chasing after two boys all morning. But actually, doing stuff together was exciting enough that they stayed together. One would come up with something to do, and the other would get into it. And for a while, I could sit in one spot with the food, and they could roam about and come back to me - I love it when I can do that. 

A fairly nice time had by all - I would definitely do it again. But my friend almost never gives up her time with her son, so it isn't likely that I would take them alone again for a while. And if the kids are different ages it is a very different dynamic.