I had Atti and my neighbour's daughter Rio, who is 5. I had taken both kids, on bikes, to the local park.
It was stupid in lots of ways - too late in the day, it was hot, Rio thinks she likes and can ride - actually neither are true. Rio was being, frankly, a pain in the arse. She had ridden her bike for about 20 seconds of the whole trip. The rest she was walking… sloooooowly and awkwardly (she simply won't do something the way you show her. She has to find a new and awkward way of doing anything after you demonstrate the simplest way to do anything) with her bike the rest of the time. She was whinging. She had various freak outs. I nearly turned back less than 5 minutes into the trip.
I really wish I had.
So we have to cross a pretty busy road to get to the park. The council took the zebra crossing off that road a while back, because it basically played havoc with the peak hour traffic and it is a really bad place to get backed up traffic. So I had two kids, two bikes and lots of traffic to negotiate. So on the way too the park I said 'Ok, I will take your bike and Atti on his bike. You run across the street when I say so'.
Now, to make myself sound less nuts - I have seen her 'run'. She is as slow as a wet week. Saying 'trot' or 'jog' or walk very fast - we would never have made it across. So I said run. And on the way over it was fine.
On the way back though.
Basically there was a bus blocking our view, and traffic that kept coming. And she miss understood what I was saying (I was talking about when we would go, not saying go). And she ran out onto the road, and so very nearly under an oncoming 4WD.
I know everyone says 'my heart stopped'. But seriously, my heart literally stopped, I think, in those seconds. The only person more scared and shocked than me, I think, was the poor person in that car. That amazing person who managed to stop in time.
Thank goodness.
But time is weird in those kinds of moments you know. I honestly could see the other outcome at the same time I was watching them stop. I could see her being hit. I could see the ambulance and the phone call to her mother and the hospital and the funeral.
And the scream. I honestly have no idea what I screamed. I know I screamed her name. But I don't know what else. Her mother asked me if the car screeched and I said I didn't know, because I could only hear me screaming.
Thank goodness they could stop.
We got to the middle of the dual carriage way (yep, we then had to cross the other half of the street) and she had a bit of a melt down. I was basically standing there, looking at the sky, breathing. Rio was shouting that she didn't like running and no one should ask her to run, and I was just making myself breath in and breathe out, and stopping my mind from running.
Otherwise I would never have been able to get them home.
But seriously, she was FINE about 3 minutes later. Chattering away and totally back to being annoying and dragging her bike and stopping to put the seat belt on her dolly and shouting at me for walking ahead (I would walk to a patch of shade and wait her her).
I don't know that I will be able to sleep tonight. I suspect as soon as I try I will see that image again.
Her mum was awesome when we got home. Although neither she or the Wook understood why I didn't want a drink. Alcohol and a shock - a shock with a visual attached - doesn't seem like a good combo to me.
Thank goodness she is ok.
Imagine trying to come home every day with your healthy living kid, to your neighbour after you killed theirs. Imagine trying to explain to your two year old why the girl who is functionally his sister is gone. Actually, I suspect I will be trying not to imagine this stuff for days.
Thank goodness they could stop.
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