The flaw

This new system only works because I'm on tap all the time. Once I fall down (I'm a tiny bit sick and getting tired early at the moment) it starts to come apart at the seems.

Yesterday we tried to go bowling with a friend from daycare and his mum. Turns out you have to book lanes, who knew? We ended up just playing at a park. But the Wook and I had a bit of a barney in the car and Atti was hilarious. Anytime Wook and I have a fight, Atti tells his dad off and says he has to apologise to me. Yesterday he said that he wouldn't play with him at bowling if he didn't say sorry to his mum. I was shaking I was trying so hard not to laugh.

Then Wook said something (to me) like 'you think I'm an idiot'. So Atti was saying he was an idiot the rest of the car ride. I had to bite my hand not to laugh then.

Yes yes, I know. That's actually awful. I agree, but it's still funny. 

This weekend is all a bit crap actually. Too much tv, not enough activity, almost no shopping or cleaning or cooking. And I've only made half the dragonfly costume. 

Week 5

Has gone fairly well. Our later routine had a couple of bumps - we have had Rah over a couple of times, and she has been up past her bedtime. The two of them wind each other up quite a bit, and after she has gone it make is all a bit harder for him to calm down and get ready to sleep. 

But mostly he has been ok. We have done a bit more in the last couple of days than we normally do. It has been fun, today especially, but it means we have fallen out of our routine. I think we are all very slightly sick and that has been a factor too.

But on the plus side, we have had some total wins with food this week. The Wook made fried rice one night, and was showing Atti how he cooked it, and he actually, voluntarily ate some at dinner. (Less voluntary was eating my teriyaki chicken meatballs). And the next night, when we had my niece here and Rah for dinner, he at half a taco. With lettuce. That he could see, and still ate it! So I'm a bit chuffed with all that.

We had a lovely day today. We spent the day at various parks with friends - people that are easy and simple and we just like hanging with - both me and Atti. And it was delightful. Need more of that kind of straight up thing I think. Only dramas were that Atti wanted everyone to come home with him.

And one of the cutest bits of the day was when we ran into a little boy from Atti's daycare at the park. We had walked there with a friend who used to take Atti for a half day each week, until she had her own baby a year ago. And it was so adorable watching him bring his daycare friend up to her and her daughter, with his arm around him, to introduce them. Oh the cuteness. 

And watching Atti and his friend from daycare teach my friend's little girl (who only just got walking down pat) to play soccer with them. So adorable. 

Gigglez

Atti has always been a laugher. Tonight, at story time, I started to read him a book. In it, it explains who two of the three penguins in a  picture are, but not the third. He asked me who the other one was, and I made a sort of fart joke about it (That's his cousin Pop-pop). And Atti laughed, a full belly laugh.

Which made me laugh. And him laugh, etc etc repeat.

In fact, we both laughed all the way through story time. Whoops.

Kids getting older is very cool. They will start to eat more foods (he actually ate fried rice tonight! Hurrah hurrah), you stop having to wipe their butts (not entirely there yet, but close) and you can share jokes with them!

An added benefit

To this new night routine is that we aren't wasting a night nappy. Most night prior we would put Atti in a sleep nappy and during the hour and a half tussle about going to sleep, one of the regular reasons for being called into his room was that he had done a poo. He is pretty regular. Now that he is still up at 8, he tends to go in the toilet. So that is a win.

Tonight I was playing around with Atti and he said he had to stop giving me cuddles and go and see his Dad. I pretended to be really sad about this, and amongst other things I stuck out my bottom lip. He ran back to me and said 'Don't be sad' and pushed my bottom lip in with his finger! I have no idea who showed him that...but it had the intended effect because I burst out laughing.

Week 4

Too much tv on weekends is happening. Which sux, but eh. The weather is horrible and we are tired and the Wook and I want to lounge around and watch tv or read or whatever, so it is bound to happen a bit.

So today, wasn't bad at all. He went off to swimming class with the Wook just fine, I managed to bake some muffins and even cook a roast dinner for us all. I did a little work (not enough, not nearly enough) and some cleaning. So that was all good. 

Nap went to hell for no discernible reason though. So our new night routine got a bit truncated. And I have found one issue about our new schedule - when no one else is on it, we don't have any friends for late playdates with. But that is survivable. 

I finally got it together for us to sit at the dining table for dinner. He didn't eat much, but he did practice cutting with his knife and fork (and then knife and fingers) with the veggies quite a bit. And while he didn't stay at the table that long, it wasn't the worse meal by a long shot. So that was promising. 

And bed time was less drama than normal too. He didn't come out at all, he did call for us a few times, but it was lights out at 8 and he hasn't been heard from since 8.30. So that is a bit of a winner.

All in all a fairly good day actually. And the marks on his neck have even gone down, so daycare might not have to call child services on me. Oh yay.

Another first

This morning Atti got up, went and got his step and turned on his bedroom and lounge lights on, and started playing, without waking us. I actually have no idea what time he got up.

He came into our room at about 7.15 saying his music box wasn't working.

I can't decide if I'm thrilled (sleep in!) or horrified (all the things he could have done while we slept).

Also, night two of the bedtime trial seems to have worked well. He never came out once. Seemed to go to sleep straight away.

So, that all seems like a win. Although I might need to figure out some new safety protocols....

Week 4

Has been interesting so far.

Points to remember

• Atti seems to be getting worse with daycare drop offs. Particularly Mondays. I'm not sure if it is because I am spending more time with him, or because B is gone or what, but it is tough.
• He seems to be getting worse with a few things right now. Circus class today was worse than ever with him waiting to take his turn, or sharing with other kids. He is worse with the shouting at me and demanding tv. I hope it is one of those things where it gets worse before it gets better. Otherwise, wow, great.

Circus class today was rough. He seemed a bit off anyway (bursting into tears about anything, everything was too hard) and the teacher was away. He really likes Isobel, and I do too. I love the way she runs those classes and I love the way she engages the kids. We have talked a lot about how to handle Atti in the class and I like what she does. Today, the other woman running it took the class and she was awful with him. And, she seemed to me to be bad with little kids in general. I mean they hung a low rope across the room and, just as I was saying 'um, what could possibly go wrong with THAT' Atti ran into it, full pelt and, well basically was partially garrotted. He has red marks right across the front of his neck 12 hours later. Fabulous.

We are trying something different this week with his bedtime and routine. We have been putting Atti to bed at about 7.30 each night, and then we spend the next hour and a half to two hours putting him back in bed. The Wook loses his temper, and then I get pissy at him and it all goes pretty pear-shaped.  I mean he naps til about 2.30/3 when he is at home, so it isn't really that weird that he isn't ready for bed 4 hours later. I am not willing to give up his nap (he literally fell asleep next to a screamer ride at the adventure park last month, so I doubt it he could give up his nap anyway) but we have to do something. And with the neighbours moving out, I am not really constrained by anyone else's bed time anymore.

So we are trialling something new. Assuming he has had a decent nap, we are going to give him a late snack around 5, then some tv, and then screens go off at 6. He can help me make dinner, or go out with the Wook for a ride or something, then we will all sit down to dinner together about 7pm.  After dinner he can play games with us, then bath, teeth, bed and reading, then sleep. Tonight he was in the bath at about 8.30 and I was lying reading with him at 8.50ish. He didn't come out of his room once tonight*. If it just turns into he still doesn't go to sleep until an hour after bedtime I'll change it, but I figure we should give it a go.

There are downsides. In theory I have an hour and a half to myself in the evening, that is kinda gone. But if we work together we can still have some time to ourselves. The other thing is this - I sometimes go to bed earlier than 9, so those nights might be rough. But if we can plan and do it right, he can actually spend some nice time with us. We can start sorting out the table manners and eat dinner together a bit more. We can play games with him to work on math and things. Do more reading with him. Maybe get some more exercise. I might find sacrificing the couple of hours I sit watching tv shows a bit rough, but if we can spend some nice time together it might pay off too.

*no I don't expect that every night.

Week 3

Things went fairly well this week. He is still getting angry and shouty, but I think we are mostly ok. He could use some more sleep, it is getting a bit old how long it will take for him to go to sleep, but there is a limit to what we can do about that. Limiting screen time before bed will help, but it just has to work itself out. And the early wakes ups are killing me, but that is really about me not getting to sleep early enough, not about him.

I have found a kickboxing aerobix workout video, and I think I will get up with him when he wakes at 5 and we can do that together. I'll get the trampoline out for him and we can do exercise if we wake up early. Can't hurt.

So one of the things I have noticed lately his how much math Atti is doing, pretty much by himself. He can count up to like 50, IF you discount the multiples of 10. As in, 28, 29, twenty-ten. You correct him by saying 'nope love, it is 29, 30' and he can go on to the next muliple of ten. I'm pretty sure he can get to twenty 29 basically correctly. So that is pretty good I guess. But the one that got my attention this week is the enumeration. So when the Wook, Rah, he and I were here having dinner the other night, the Wook went next door to have a chat to our neighbour and Atti said 'we were four, mummy, but Daddy went to M's and we were three'. When the Wook returned he noted that 'we are four again'.

I'm going to have to have a think about how to extend on this I guess. And definitely get back to working on letters and numbers and shapes - recognising, naming and drawing them.

Week 3 part 2

We had quite a busy day today.

Atti and I went to check out a new daycare/kindy. His favourite daycare worker has just started work there, and he saw her for the first time since she left. It was very cute. In the car after he said to me 'I miss B when she is not at daycare' and at nap time he said 'I want B to come back to daycare'.

Awww.

I'm not sure I'm ready to move him. It is a fabulous place this daycare, but I just am not sure about it yet.

So how did today go - pretty much fine. Atti is still not eating a hell of a lot, and he is still pretty keen on tv ALL the time, but mostly today was fine. He did various other things, we did some errands and he was pretty good, even reminding me about the thing I went to the shop for (he is getting really good at this, and it is SO HELPFUL I tell you). He was a bit of a pain at office works, but he did ask to stay in the car listening to his book on tape, so it wasn't massively unexpected. He had a huge nap, and aside from some not-wanting-to-share with his friend, and some fighting with the neighblings, it wasn't a bad day.

And we did cooking. We made individual apple pies, and gingerbread and roasted a whole pan of veggies. All in all, not a bad day.

Week 3 part 1

I sacked the Wookie as a parent this week.

I didn't know what else to do. They just fight and fight and fight. They literally cannot get through 15-20 minutes of having breakfast together without it ending in screaming. Enough is enough.

So he can be a friend and he can help me, but he doesn't have parenting rights currently. He cannot impose punishments or discipline (he can carry out my decrees but only within my hearing). After yet another time I watched him impose a consequence that he wouldn't have to actually carry out (no you don't get to cancel tv or take his favorite toy on a day that YOU will be at work and I will be home all day with him), that was it.

He is not very impressed with me. But my 3.5 year old is starting to shout at everyone and it is because of the way they interact (yes I know he would try it anyway, but I think it would have worn off by now otherwise). And the Wook just cannot seem to find a way to deal with him that isn't constantly ratcheting up the discipline, and the kid just ends up losing it.

So, there's that.

Going to daycare has been hit and miss - Monday was awful, Wednesday was fine. Going to (and staying) sleep has been a bit hit and miss too. In the mornings he has some flexibility - as in, if he wants an episode or two of Peter Rabbit, he has to 1. eat breakfast; 2. have a shower; 3. brush his teeth and 4. get dressed (with shoes). If he doesn't do these things, that is fine - but there is no tv. This week there hasn't been that much tv.

So this is the week I implemented some slow parenting stuff. There is no screen time after dinner. So from like 6-8, screen free. At 8, he and I both go to bed. We will read to him, play games with him, do puzzles - no screens. Went great on Monday, completely got ignored on Tuesday,

Next week I will start getting up with him and making breakfast myself. The plan, such as it is, is to actually cook breakfast. Beside scrambled eggs and pancakes, not sure what I am going to make.

Not sure that will work.

I have been reading a 'Barking Up the Wrong Tree' email this morning about how to foster resilience. I love those emails - I squee to everyone about them. Step 2 (I think) of this one was 'face your fears'. Apparently the only way to get past a fear and eliminate it is to face it.

Hmmm.

My fear is that my kid will die. Or that I will die and he won't know me or have me raise him.

So.....

Not sure how I face that exactly.

Seems like that would be a crappy explanation to the court....

;p

For the sci-fi nerds

This photo made me laugh and laugh. Let's do this.

Week two

Was a bit better. Well, not on the illness front - Atti has a virus, and a cough. So for four nights he woke ever hour or two. Which of course means so did I. And even less sleep was awesome for us both. Not.

But I did manage to get in the office all three days. Thanks mostly to my father in law, who rescued me on Wednesday (although as my boss didn't come in, could have worked at home anyway) by coming and taking Atti for the morning and taking him to the doctor.

So he didn't get to daycare much, and it was MISERABLE taking him on Monday. I loathe those mornings when it is all sobs and you have to walk away listening to your child sob for you. I mean, I know that two minutes after I have gone he is likely fine, and playing with his friends. But I was way happier about leaving him on those kinds of mornings when his carer B was there.

I have made an appointment to see the new daycare she has moved to. Not sure that is not stalker-ish behaviour. It is actually based around a perfectly logical reasoning - if he does Kindy at a daycare I can have a reasonable work week and maybe get my degree finished. Finally.

So today my neighbour (only for few weeks more, what will I do?) sat down and looked me in the eye and said 'so with this gentle parenting and this slow parenting stuff, like what is the end game? What are you wanting the outcomes to be? Cause I don't really understand how you can spend the whole day at home because he won't brush his teeth and put on shoes and leave the house'.

I was a bit stunned actually. But then I was glad. I should spend some time thinking about what I want to achieve with all this effort. Mostly it fits in the kind of parent I want to be. I don't want to be shouting at my kid (and have my kid shouting at me). I get frustrated, but I mostly assume it is me who is buggering up the situation, not the three year old. I kind of figure his motives and drivers are pretty straight-forward.

I am hoping that you end up with a kid that is fairly self-disciplined. I am trying to use an approach where he learns that his actions have consequence, and that he has choices and agency. I have plenty of boundaries (more now that I am home to deal with it all more) and today we had quite a bit of consequence happening. So firstly, we were intending to go to R's school assembly, then to the park, library, op-shop and pick up some shopping before coming home. And we were going to make gingerbread ... well not men cause I haven't a biscuit cutter in that shape. Gingerbread somethings.

None of that happened. He kept stuffing around with his mouth with teeth brushing. And he wouldn't put on shoes. So, we didn't go out. Not was there any tv. It actually went much better than I was expecting - the no tv part. He played with puzzles, got out his scissors and practiced cutting, we set up a drawing station and cleared a space for him to put all the puzzles, and he helped me with vacuuming. I managed to have some reasonably healthy food on hand, and it was pretty good. Definitely not perfect, there was a fair bit of grumping, and one strange thing.

Last week my german co-worker told me about a drama with her little girl. Exact same age. She had tried to get her to clean up a mess she made and threatened to chuck her toys in the bin if she didn't clean it up. Much to her amazement, her daughter went and got all her barbies and cheerfully chucked them in the bin. Then she basically put most of her other toys in a bag to go to the option (actually I got given most of it). I was stunned, we just figured her kid was less attached to toys than to her will.

But today Atti did it too. While playing with his kitchen he had chucked almost everything on the floor, and after asking him to clean it up I got frustrated and said 'if I am the one to pick it up it will all go to another kid'. He then got a bag and basically packed it all in the bag himself, and I was saying 'just put it all back in the kitchen and it doesn't have to go' but he was all 'chuck it away'. 

I learned something here - be careful what you threaten. Most of that stuff was gifts from other people for xmas. Now what am I supposed to do? I am going to offer a friend with two daughters who has just returned from overseas a loan of it for a month or so. 

He also got out his trains for the first time in months. So that was good. It was, overall a pretty good day actually. He didn't eat any pizza (what is that, he loved it. Now he will only eat garlic bread) and he wet the bed for the first time ever (uber nap, whoops) but overall, it was a pretty good day. It included me getting LOTS of sorting and cleaning of my lounge room done, and Atti vacuuming up all the rice he spilled (mostly) by himself. Took forever, due to him constantly turning the hose on himself and laughing hysterically. Wish videos would actually load on this site, his laugh was brilliant.

First week of the new regime

So due to a combination of events (initiate by me losing my daycare funding for a few months) I decided to pull Atti out of daycare on Friday, cram my work into three days and spend four days a week with him. He is struggling a bit with some of the kind of higher levels of behaviour being expect of him as he gets older, and I think he needs a bit more attention and a bit more time at home going slow. He needs to learn to entertain himself again (he was great at it when he was little, how did I let that slide?) and he needs to learn to wait, and to work as part of our family group. Less screen time, more time with me having time to read books and do puzzles and go for walks I think.

Last week was my first week. Work-wise it was a bit of a bust. Screen time was better (well til he was sick and all I could do was play the same 6 eps of Ben and Holly over and over as he lay on the couch in between crying jags). The iPad went to 'the shop' indefinitely to be fixed. He has recently discovered you tube, and that was a bit of the final straw for me. I kept turning the internet off because supervising THAT is a pain in the arse. And he has been having too much screen time and has become appalling about demanding it and so on.

I am not totally anti screen time, I am happy for him to watch 10-15 minutes in the morning before we leave the house (handy to keep him on track getting washed, dressed, brushed and fed and great for me to have 10 minutes without someone talking to me to actually ensure I have everything we need for the day) and a bit in the afternoon. But the ABC is rubbish at screening the stuff my kid likes at the times I am willing to let him watch tv, which is one of the reasons we got the iPad in the first place. So thank goodness for the library and their dvd collection!

So what else? Well, food was a bit better... hmm. Hit and miss maybe. I make a spaghetti with the faux-meatballs that we all love, but I put broccoli in it and he flat out refused to eat it. But I bought quite a bit of veggies and health stuff to have on hand and that went pretty well. One days lunch was hummus, carrot sticks, egg and rockmelon. Oh and these healthy seeming whole grain rice crackers that were so nice (in a kit with the hummus) that I tracked them down and bought a pack.

The plan is pretty much to spend the two weekdays at home, mostly. We can do some cooking together, I intend to do some cleaning and decluttering and so on. I am going to make a behaviour chart for him this weekend, and start working on some of the stuff that is causing him some problems. I am apparently very trendy because I had started all of this the same week I stumbled onto a doco on the ABC about slow parenting. And I was all 'hell yes, that is exactly what I am trying to do'. So I might even look a bit closer at the rules and schedules he set up for the overburdened families in that and do a month myself. We can do lots more reading, and I am hoping to do some more fun stuff together. This is the plan, anyway. Let see how it goes