Finding Mum-friends

I was very hesitant about joining a mother's group when I had Atti. I had heard such horror stories from people. The child health nurse was really pushing me to join, but it was actually some of my favourite friends who were mums who convinced me to go. So along I trotted to the group that initially had like 25 parents in it, but after we stopped going to the health nurse run bit, it petered off, and then there was a fairly natural break where myself and about 5 other mums from the original group took the opportunity to break away, because we didn't feel any particular draw to the other mums, and some.... anti-draw??? to a few.

So I ended up with a parents group with 6 kids and 11 parents and we all pretty much liked each other. And then two kids and their parents promptly up and moved to the other side of the country....sigh. Probably (at the time) both Atti's closest 'friends' in the group and the mums I was closest too. But we still spend time each week with the other 3 families and we Skype weekly with one of the ones who left and occasionally with the other ones. So that was nice.

We went to various classes and we met other kids and mums, and some of them we organised playdates and so on with, but they would peter out in time because we didn't live close enough or have enough in common. Which is fine, it was nice while it lasted.

And then there is our daycare. I have, on occasion, tried to line up playdates with kids that Atti seems to like at daycare, and mostly that hasn't worked out. Our daycare is close to where we live, but is also close to the children's hospital, so quite a few of our parents are actually staffers there. So they don't live locally and it never works out. We have a few parties at daycare each year, and the few parents who live locally we do run into around the 'burb, but it just doesn't translate. Until recently...

I invited a few kids from daycare to Atti's birthday last year, and one Mum came with her two kids. Atti is about halfway between them (I think) in age, and he gets along with both. I love these kids, they are both utterly adorable and so funny. But finally I have that Mum bestie thing happening. 

I loooooove their mum. She is awesome. For a start she is the opposite of a helicopter mum, and I am now so conditioned to it that I am further down that path myself that I ever thought I would be. It is really hard to be the only mum sitting on the side of the park, not getting into the playground equipment when EVERY OTHER PARENT is in there. I can live with the side eye from the parents, but my kid is not dumb, he gets that I am 'supposed' to do it. Everyone else's mum is doing it... and so it is SUCH a relief to hang out with another mum who doesn't do everything for her kids. Who is perfectly cool with them getting grotty and letting them learn by falling. It is like I can breathe out when I hang out with her. 

And she is funny and thoughtful and one of those people who really ask what is going on in your life and listens. I am actually going to have to pick up my game on that front, because I can be a bit less of a good friend in that way (mostly, I think, because I have so much going on that my head is full and I don't think to ask til later). 

So I have a bit fat mum-crush going on. And it is making me smile my head off.

Also, the photographer in my loves loves loves hanging out with our kids because they are so fun to photograph. 

Transport woes

When I had Atti my sister-in-law and brother sent me over their pram. With, as they loved to point out, the second seat. It was a Phil and Ted Sport pram and I have loved it. My in-laws bought us some accessories for it, so we had the sun and rain covers, a drinks holder thing and the baby insert seat. Also the travel bag now that I think of it. 

That pram has been awesome. It has a huge storage space underneath - you can cart a hell of a lot of shopping in that under-space. It is big enough and stable enough that I can hang bags off it, the second seat gives me extra storage space - for bags or extra kids! The pram is fine for me to cart both Atti and Rio in (which has been a god-send at times) and is stable enough that Atti can climb in and out himself. Atti really loves that pram, actually.

But, it has not been a dream to push around lately. The wheels have gone a bit wonky, it always had a bit of a tendency for the front wheel to go rogue, and it is heavy. Also it is huge and a hassle to put in the car for anything - so I have begun to bring a trike or the Ergo when we go out rather than the pram.

When we went to the zoo last week, Atti was seeming a bit off, a bit delicate, so I rented a stroller. And I realised that we really need something more like a stroller. But still, I need something a bit more than a stroller - I still need some storage and it needs to be a bit stable - Atti will definitely climb up by himself and whatever I get needs to be sturdy enough for that too. And I like being able to walk around my neighbourhood (when I have the time). Plus Atti is still learning to walk with us, and so the pram is useful to have out with us while he is learning - so that if he won't keep to the rules, he has somewhere to go. Also, in a shop, I like to be able to kind of strap him in if I need to (and at Kuks, for instance, I really do need to).

So I started looking on Gumtree (I always get second hand stuff - I just don't want to care about marks on the pram or whatever) and reading reviews - because I honestly didn't know what I wanted. I may also need to be able to cart an actual baby occasionally too. So today I went to look at a Bugaboo. Which, if you had asked me before yesterday, I would have told you I would NEVER consider. Overpriced wank I thought. But there was one very near work, at an astonishing price, and I had read that they were very light, so I figured I needed to consider it.

It is a bit faded, but it is very light. Initially awkward to take apart to collapse, and it will take up a bit of space in the car - but my last pram pretty much took up the whole boot, so I am well prepped for that. And the under carriage bag storage is a great size, and I really like the how the seat can be set at all kinds of angles and can face either direction. The woman threw in two bassinets and I was sold. 

I will need to keep an eye out for a scooter board for it, as I will definitely need one at some point, and I might keep an eye out for a newer (and matching) under carriage bag. 

I am pretty happy with it so far - and if not, I will just sell in on and get something else. I have one concern however - that Atti might be too tall for it soon. His head is just under the canopy now, I will have to do some research to find out if there is any way to raise the cover or get a taller one.

But lets see how this goes. Tester time and review coming up!

more funny statements

That I want to record. Atti had a very short nap this morning (not great given the 5am wake up) and when I went in to check on him at around an hour, he was standing next to the bed, holding my phone and turning off the white noise (nope, I have no idea how he knows how to do that). 

He said 'Hi Mummy, I awake!' I said 'Atti, that is not a very long sleep. You need to still be asleep!' he replied 'sorry about that'. 

And his father and I fell about laughing.

He has actually not been terribly well this weekend. Not sick exactly, just a little bit hot and flushed, a little bit sooky, a little bit fussy. Mostly fine, but for example, when we went to the zoo yesterday, I decided to rent a stroller when we got there, because he just suddenly seemed a bit delicate and I figured he could use a place to sit and rest during the afternoon. It was a good call actually, and I really need to find either a new pram that is easier to cart about or a stroller for the car.

Never ending bed posts

Another two-in-the-bed night tonight. I just put the neighblings to bed saying 'now, no one gets out of bed and no one makes any noise'. Atti said 'but I have to talk to the dark'.

*boggle*

Eyebrow raise

At lunch time today, Atti offered me a piece of his lunch, a piece of apple. I said 'thank you Atti'. He said "you are very welcome mummy", with a half bow.

Who the hell is teaching him this stuff????

Bed experimenting follow up

So we are having another go tonight - and we seem to have achieved success! Two children asleep in the one bed. *happy dance*

This is the third go we have had at this - last time we had no smalls coming out of the room, but when I went in to check an hour later, I found Atti sitting up and asking to go into his bed. So minor success there.

Tonight we had a bit more argy-bargy before everyone was asleep. But it's 8pm, and everyone is asleep - so winner winner chicken dinner!

Experimenting with beds

We have Rio sleeping here tonight, as we normally do one or two nights a week. Her mum works nights, so she goes to sleep here and when Neighbour K gets home she just carries her asleep upstairs to her bed. Works well for everyone.

Tonight I tried putting the two kids to bed in my bed. I gave them a half an hour to fall asleep and/or three appearances out of the bedroom. Also, we said we were turning off all screens so we would hear them if they talked.

I know, designed to fail. But there was a method in my madness. The Wook has been making noises about taking the sides off Atti's cot. And I have been all 'sure, but do you realise what happens when we do that?'.

So I was kind of making a point. But also starting the process. 

It went about how you would expect. Within 5 minutes Atti was in the lounge room. Sent out by Rio apparently, to get water for them. Three more appearances within 20 minutes and Atti was back in his own bed. Pleading from both smalls for 'one more chance' did not move us.

But I did say next time Rio sleeps here they could have another go. And they can.... and that will fail too. But we will edge a little closer each time I guess. 

Such an up and down day.

Atti is a bit of a pain about telling me or admitting when he needs a nappy change and will fight me (but his father much more) about it. This morning we had one each way - he announced it during a Skype call with friends and let me change him immediately with no problems, then later in the morning fought me like crazy for about a half an hour, during which time it all became rather disgusting. I was absolutely ropable at the end of it.

He kept trying to tell me afterwards, while we had lunch that I was happy. And doing his 'I'm so adorable' face at me and being sweet and funny until I gave in. But I said that he had to tell me when he had a dirty nappy and let me change him from now on. And he 'pwomised'. 

Which, oddly, later on actually worked when I said 'hey Atti, have you done a poo? You promised to tell me and let me change you' and he said 'oh yes. I have mud!' and walked into his room. Yikes.

We have been a bit hit and miss with negotiation and him agreeing to do things with me lately. I don't cede total control, or I would lose my mind. But I do try and give him time and incentive to cooperate, and where it's viable, some choice in his life.

I have been trying a new technique that I read about - counting to 10. I know, it sounds obvious. But what I mean is that one of the reasons tantrums happen is that, from a toddler's perspective all this random stuff keeps happening to them. So if you give them some notice that things are about to happen or change, and a timeframe, it can help. So you count to 10.

He LOVES it. He absolutely stops whatever he is doing and is thrilled to count to 10 with me, and do the fingers. And about half the time, it even works. Not so much with the nappy thing, but other things. Today at the shop when he found the toys and was holding up some bath ducks, I said 'ok Atti, we are going to count to 10, then you put the ducks away and come with Mummy to find the milk'. And it worked just fine. Not so much with the 'can't scooter without a helmet, if you don't want to wear a helmet you have to walk' dilemma.

We did have some lovely bits today. A nice lunch and we both had tea. A couple of very nice walks too. He walked holding my hand just fine for the most part. Gets a little too freaked out about crossing the road - any cars in the vicinity at all mean no crossing. He was quite adorable with my friend's baby. And quite good about carrying something to the car. And he got on the phone to my grandmother who never calls so he has no idea who she was and was adorable and called her by the name she likes. And he was great with his Oma on the phone tonight too.

Hope he can be this great tomorrow afternoon with her - she is already telling me how exhausted she is, and she hasn't had to do anything with him yet!

The best laid plans... sigh

So with my many many layers of community I have put around myself and my child I should NEVER be stuck for a bit of childcare.

Ha ha hahahahahaha I say!

It has happened. Neighbour-who-is-basically-another-parent is away on holiday, Other-friend-who-is-a-substitute-parent has just had a baby and is not yet unto handling a newborn and a toddler, and father-out-law has to go into hospital today for a couple of days. Mother-out-law is not really capable of looking after him for any real period alone (and we aren't keen on her driving him). Wookie had last week off work, so no emergency day off (not that they would ever let him anyway). So I am a bit stuffed this week.

Which is unfortunate because I am behind in my study and I was supposed to train for a new part of my job this week. I have arranged to do it Friday afternoon instead - but this will make me late to pick up Atti from daycare.

The real problem is tomorrow, when I am at prac. At a clinic that is an hour and a half away from the daycare. So he is going to be chucked in the door as soon as they open and I will be running for the train (because of course I have an early appointment booked for tomorrow) and I won't be able to get back before closing time. It is not a brilliant situation, he will be in daycare for 10 hours. The Wook has asked if he can leave early, and I have asked the Mother-out-law if she could pick him up and bring him home and give him dinner. 

Wook won't be allowed to leave early - anytime we have had this kind of situation and he has asked his boss has said no. And if Mother-out-law does it, it means I have to clean my house from top-to-toe because she is a person who will go through all our stuff. Sigh.

And because I had to move the training session to Friday, I will be late picking him up then too. We are going to have a bumpy week I think. 

But at least we can spend a bit of time together today and do some shopping and do some cleaning. So that is all good.

Ohhhh

Be still my mama-heart.

Atti is off to his swimming lesson with his Dad this morning. They are about to leave and he just came up to me and said 'Bye Mama. I am going to miss you so much, and be home soon'.

Awwwwwwwww!

Makes the 5.30am start this morning worth it!

Banging my head against a wall

Whyyyyyy to grandparents make you so crazy?

The Outlaws just took Atti for his second overnight - and I got most of 24 hours to myself, which was glorious.

And then Atti came home with the two new pairs of shoes that they took him shopping for. Now we had a discussion a while back about this, they were going to buy him some shoes for winter.

Which they did. Lovely, expensive shoes.

That are a size too big.

FFS.

So now what do I do? She is sure to ring me tonight and gush about him (you know, he was sooooo great here with us, with none of those tantrums he throws when you are around kind of thing) and ask me about the shoe. Do I say something and they get all pissy with me? Or just put them away til they fit (it will be summer I imagine, and they will be too hot for him to wear then). I know they did it deliberately because they told the Wook he needs to wear thick socks with them. So that he can 'get more wear out of them'.

Sigh.

Why do they do this kind of stuff? Is it that hard to get that wearing shoes that fit properly is important? Especially on developing feet? They have money, this isn't a case of the only shoes they could afford. Also, you can buy less expensive shoes - they have gone to the most expensive kids shoes shop around to buy these. 

This stuff just makes me crazy. And I need to get it out before the phone rings. Because I am going to need to be very diplomatic and non-shouty.

Tantrum update

Ah two year olds.

We walked out of the shops today, and there was a motorbike parked at the front door. Atti loves motorbikes, and he was being a bit stroppy, so I pointed it out to him. "Look Atti, a shiny black motorbike"

His response "It is NOT black Mummy, it is white".

Yep, my two and a half year old is now literally arguing that black is white with me. Happy Easter!

Easter, srsly?

Prior to having a kid, I didn't really notice the pain-in-the-arse-ness that Easter is. I mean for me before it was a 4 day weekend and there is usually another long weekend in April for us and you can sometimes get a hell of a holiday without sacrificing too much of your leave. We used to go camping each Easter at this lovely spot, but that was back in the day.

Actually, BL (Before Law School) more than BA (Before Atticus).

Now I am not religious, and I am not much of a chocaholic so I guess I was kind of failing to engage wight he 'real' meaning of Easter. It was just an uber long weekend. But now I have a two year old, and UUUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHH.

Gift boxes have been on sale for months at the shops, and so I have picked up a gift for the Wook, the Out-laws, Atti and Rio. And we planned two easter egg hunts over the weekend, although I suspect we are going to go a bit light on the actual chocolate eggs. But I had forgotten to take into account everyone else giving my head huge amounts of chocolate. And beyond the relatives and friends… total strangers in shops and at markets that are handing out lollies and chocolates to kids. I was basically told 'oh are you going to be THAT mother' today….. srsly? It was from someone I knew well enough to say 'look if it was only one chocolate over the weekend it would be fine, but do you realise how much he is being given this weekend?' to. 

We really all need to stop giving 'treats' to kids ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME. And stop shaming their adults when they say 'no it's not ok'. Because it isn't a 'treat' when it is every time you go to the shops you know. And I already can see what happens to Atti when he is given quite a few gifts in a short period of time - today he skyped with my parents and was given 'their' easter gift. He was thrilled with the truck (and failed to notice his mother hijacking the eggs) but within 10 minutes he was saying 'I want another present'. Not cool son.

I might be a bit extra touchy because we have had a bit of movement on the toilet front around here. Atti is willing to sit on the toilet twice a day for about 10 minutes and read a story - and we have been giving him two smarties when he does this. Probably a bad time to introduce it, with Easter can coming up. But they started it at daycare, and I wanted some consistency*.

*doubt they give him chocolate at daycare though!

Urgh, tantrums

So much for three is when the tantrums start…not here. 

Atticus is really getting into his stride with tantrums these days. A lot of them are around not wanting to get his nappy changed when he is obviously in need of a fresh nappy. I mean, what the hell is that about? That doesn't even make sense.

Don't get me wrong, he isn't having any kind of mega tantrums, just normal ones. But they are so frustrating. I definitely need to hit all the parenting books again, because my current set of ways of dealing with it are clearly not working and I am getting pissy doing them too.

So I need some new strategies.

Going to look for them now.