A post where I judge

I know we are all supposed to be all parents together, and support your choices... anyway you choose to feed your baby is fine, how you deal with sleep etc. 

But seriously, I have had enough of helicopter mums.

I can kind of get it when they are young, I guess. I mean it wasn't for me, but I understand when my kid is teaching your kid to climb stuff you aren't ready for that you might stand underneath and help them or whatever.

But in my parents group now, our kids are all well over three. So WTF is going on.

Last night I was at a playdate/dinner in a local park. One friends has been working away, and he husband and son have been coming along to our dinner in the park playdates. And her boy is the littlest in our group, and he was having a harder time with a climbing frame. A couple of weeks ago, while she was away, he mastered it - assisted and taught by the other kids. It was freakin adorable and he was so proud of himself. 

Last night she and her hub and son came, but he went off to do something else, and after dinner I said to her boy 'have you shown your mum yet that you can climb the frame yourself and get down yourself?' He raced off and started to climb up to show her.... and when he went to jump down, she ran over and helped him down. I was like 'WHAT are you doing?'

He was so proud of himself for learning that, and gone.

And then today I went along with another mum in our parenting group to try out a circus class her son is taking. She was on one side of the room and I was on the other, and her little boy couldn't get up on the small (and very low to the ground) beam alone, so I held out my hand to help him up and get initially balance. Then I withdrew my hand and he seemed to want to hold my hand to walk on it. I said 'ok I'm here if you need help. But if you put your arms out like this, you should be able to balance yourself, and slowly walk along'. He did it himself, jumped off and went onto the next park of the circuit. 

And when he got back to the beam, his mother came over and held his hand the whole time.

Sheesh.

Maybe I'm nuts, but why baby these kids? They weren't doing anything crazy, these were realysave things. Both, I should point out, in venues that were a couple of hundred meters from a hospital to boot. So why not let the kids figure it out for themselves? I don't understand this approach at all. . How do they think they will get competent, capable kids?

Ok, whinge over. 

Cute or concerning?

Since moving to a single bed, Atticus has been pushing the boundaries a bit about bedtimes. We live in an old flat where the door handles are really high, so most kids need a footstool to open them well into their teens. Which means if we put Atti to sleep with the shut door, he can't get out.

Which at bedtime is good. It's not so great if something happens during the night or in the morning.

He wants the door open when it's bedtime, which we don't. For a couple of reasons, but mostly because (like me) he struggles to sleep until it is dark and quiet. And he almost never sleeps in. So what has evolved is giving him a couple of chances to stay in bed and go to sleep with the door open, and then we shut the door.

Supposedly, later in the night, when he is coming to bed, the Wookie opens his door up - but he has been forgetting a lot lately. So last night I got up at midnight and went to open Atti's door. As soon as I pushed there was a clunking noise. And I quickly realised Atti was behind the door.

Now currently, because of space issues and the hot weather (bit hard to have a 'moving furniture party' in 40 degree heat) there is a bookcase right behind that door, and so kind of shoving him along the floor with the door wouldn't work. He woke up and moved enough for me to get in the door, but was pretty clearly still asleep. So I picked him up and tried to put him back in bed.

But, he has a trundle bed, and rather than put a bed rail on his bed, we just pull the trundle out. If (when) he rolls off the bed, he lands on the trundle - so all good. But when trying to carry 15-17 kilos of kid on two arms, knee walking across the trundle is a bit rough. So he landed on the bed a bit harder than intended.

Must have woken him up because he put his hands upto my face and said 'Mama, are you ok'.

Awww.

Actually, he seems to wake up quite alert, like I do, now that I think about it. I fell asleep on that trundle one night and he rolled off the bed, plop, onto my legs. And almost instantly said 'hi Mama'.

I pretty much wanted to flag this because his Aunt used to sleep behind the door every night, apparently she wanted the light. My mum had to shove the door open each morning, moving her with it. She was pretty amused when I called her this morning.

Dummy fairies - attempt 1.

So last Friday I took Atti and his friend A from daycare to a playdate in the park. Lovely time had by them, and the lots of friends who joined us later for a bbq dinner in the park. Excellent night. But one of the things that happened was A told Atti about the fabulous present the dummy fairies gave her when she gave them her dummies.

Now he has been a bit obsessed by a toy he saw in Australian Geographic, that was exxy enough that he can't realistically earn enough stamps to acquire. So he has been talking all week about how, maybe the dummy fairies would give him this dinosaur track toy if he gave them his dummies.

And this morning he woke me up at 5.48 to tell me that he was giving his dummies to the fairies. And could I tell them that he would like a dinosaur track when he gave them up. Sure said I, mentally re-arranging my morning to fit in a visit to a shopping centre.

He spent the whole day telling everyone about it. When I got to daycare I had a bit of a chat with his primary carer, before we went out the back. She said that when it was time to have a nap, he told her that he was going to give up his dummies, so he wouldn't be using his for the nap. And she said he was great, and he did sleep without it. Brilliant.

Now, I wasn't particularly sure he was ready. I figured he wanted the toy, and was taking the opportunity to get it. And the toy he wants is actually a bit young for him and also very much like the little people garage he already has, so I thought if he actually did give them up tonight, he would play with the toy all day tomorrow, and then at bedtime announce he was giving it back and he wanted his dummies back.

So while I was getting all the prep done, and encouraging him, I have not been too convinced about this. So I talked to him a bit tonight about how, once you give the dummies to the fairies, that is it, no more dummies, ever. Not for sleeping. Not for when you are upset. Not for when you are in time out. So what is he going to do instead when he is upset? And we talked about deep breaths and cuddles with Mama and giving squeezy hugs to his Tiggy (and in excellent timing, the replacement Idris arrived today).

So before you know it he has helped me clear the train table to set up for the fairies. And laid out some snacks and a drink and we wrote them a letter. And, a plate with every dummy in the house.

He was all set, and pretty excited about it.

And it went a little pear-shaped when his dad said he had to go out, but no Atti couldn't come on an adventure with him.* And then he kept getting out of bed, so we hit the point where I had to close the door to his room. And then it went south - and faced with the actual moment of going to sleep, alone in the dark....he wanted his dummy. 

So we lay in the dark and talked about it. He could have one back if he wanted, but I would have to tell the dummy fairies the exchange was off. He said they could have all but one. I said that isn't how it goes. So he can have a dummy if he wants one, but there would be no dinosaur track in the morning. He said fine, I want the dummy.

So I said ok, and gave him one.

Ah well, nice first attempt son. I am thinking I might break one of the little dinosaur toys out from the package to leave with a note from the fairies saying something about knowing it is hard, and that was a good try, and we have your dinosaur track waiting with us when you want to try again. But how will I get the letter printed by gawd-awfully-early morning?

*not helped by me thinking he was going to get the letters from the fairies printed - and then being quite a beeyatch about that once it became clear he was heading off to pick up his insurance claim electronics instead.