die in a fire 2016

So this shitty year is just getting shittier.... Atticus broke his arm at the park yesterday morning. Ugh.

He is in a collar and cuff arrangment, and it will need to stay that way for up to 6 weeks. Awesome. So there goes swimming every day, ice skating, adventure world, the slip and slide and pretty much everything we planned for the month til school starts. Also, I probably can't start him at his new daycare mid January, as I think the excellent play area will be too much for him, and I can't imagine the staff want to spend all day every day trying to stop him riding a bike, playing in the mud pit, getting on the circus swings or climbing and jumping on and off the climbing frames.

And to boot, it's his right arm. So even my initial thoughts of 'well we can work on writing and colouring and stencils and art and music stuff' is a bit limited too.

So this should be an interesting month or month-and-a-half

The things they say

So we have had a few statements that made me laugh lately.

This morning Atti was talking about something that could go "up, down, sideways or the other sideways".

I walked out of a shopping centre the other day with Atti, and at the entrance there is a travel agency. With the usual array of pictures in the window. I heard this little voice say "Look Mummy, it's the Coliseum". I turned around with an absolutely gobsmacked look on my face, because, seriously, HOW on earth would he know that? And yes, it was a picture of the Coliseum. Beneath it was the Eiffel Tower, so I pointed at it and said 'What's this?". He came straight back with "the Eiffel Tower".

As we wandered back to the car, it finally hit me. He has also been calling all triangles "pyramids of giza" - it's from Go Jetters. Excellent work whomever makes that show!

Also, thanks to Minions and Despicable Me - "oh poop" is THE funniest thing ever to have been uttered.

It hurts when they hurt

This morning we went to a birthday party of a little boy who we've known since the two boys were a couple of months old. His parents live a bit further away, and our schedules are a bit different so we don't see them a lot, but Atti, if asked who his 'best friend' is will usually say this little boy. So he was so excited about the party and so pleased with the gift he had picked out.

And it went a bit wrong. The other little boy spends a lot more time in daycare and, obviously, has friends from there. He had these two little friends from his daycare there, and Atti couldn't get a look in with his mate, and, being the persistent little thing he is, he kept trying to.

The first thing that the birthday boy said that was (mean? rude? what is it when they are 4 and you have to assume not so much intent) unkind, I actually thought was funny. Atti and this other little boy had given him their gifts and Atti was trying to get him to open up the box of his to play with it - and he looked at the two boys with their gifts and said to the other boy 'I like your present much more than Atti's'.

Then there was some kind of issue on the other side of the playground. I didn't think much of it and let another mum mediate, but Atti later said that the two boys spat on him.

And after lunch and cake, when Atti was trying to convince the birthday boy to do something with him he basically shouted at Atti to stop talking and go away. Thankfully I was there for that one and could immediately pull him on my lap and talk to him about it.

It's so hard when someone is unkind to your kid. I have been trying to fight off the feeling that theis kid is a mean girl and we won't see them again at all. I can't stand someone making my kid feel any kind of pain or rejection.

But. but but but. He is pretty persistent and not to good at taking no for an answer. And with school and a new daycare starting up next year, I guess he needs to start thinking about other people too. So we need to work on this a bit.

And as for this kid, well to be honest we won't be seeing much of him. He is lives driving distance way and I don't have a car much right now. He will be going to a different school and his parents aren't to interested in the kinds of playdates we have these days. After today, I admit, I'm not too keen on making that much effort - and they make almost none with our whole group, so that should pretty much kill it off I suspect.

oh f&*^!

So the other day, while I was juggling a bunch of stuff at the shops, racing the a playdate, the Wook rang and I must have said the f-bomb under my breath. And in perfect 4 year old form, Atti repeated it all the way to the park. I explained that he is NOT allowed to say that word, that it was very rude, and in fact, Mummy isn't either and if he hears me say it he should tell me off.

The next day I was driving to a friends place and I missed the turn and said 'oh bum'. Atti was horrified and told me off at length, with me sitting there going 'well I'm running out of words to use when frustrated' - in my head when after a pause, Atti says...

"Mum, maybe you should say F*ck instead, hey?"

Winner, winner *facepalm*

First a funny story - yesterday we were mailing some books to my niece and I was in one of those little magazine and stationary shops that also has an Australia Post outlet in it, and I was putting the address on the bag when everyone in the shops hears a little voice say "ummm we've got a situation over here" and all the other adults in the place collapse in laughter. Cute, wonder where he learned that?

In other news, he seems ok at daycare now. I don't know if the parenting has worked or if it's that the kid who he was mostly spitting at has moved to a new daycare or what, but it seems a bit better.

He and the Wookie are no better at all, and the Wookie just keeps resetting back to nagging authoritarian parent mode, so I'm kind of at the end of my rope on that.

On the daycare front, his daycare is closing and the place will be knocked down. He seems to grasp the concept - telling me the other day that all the kids will go to different daycares after it is knocked over, but he also arcs up whenever I mention that he will be going to a new daycare next year. We did get a place at a great one, right next to the school he will start attending in February, and one of his besties goes there, so it should be all good.

As for me, one exam down, the hard one to come. Then bum down on my american politics report. No freaking idea what I am going to write about there.

Everybody reset

So after freaking out a bit about Atti's behaviour and the Wook's anger - and feeling like it was back-against-the-wall time, I did some research and was a bit proactive. I surfed the Aha Parenting website (awesome stuff) and I found an article on what to do when your child starts to bully (not sure that is what is happening, but the response fits anyway). 

I emailed it to everyone involved with Atti's care and basically said 'this is how I will be dealing with this - please be on board or I will have to take you out of the equation'. Well, I actually didn't say the last bit, but, I mean, it's implied, right?

So, we have a gentle parenting approach in hand that is about modelling behaviour, setting limits with empathy, redirecting and proactive behaviours - lets hope that gets me through the month. You know, while I have exams, final reports, and a job trial on.

Mostly I am concerned with the Wook. He is so bad at staying calm, and now Atti is totally loaded for bear. Even when they are having a great time together, Atti is always ready for a fight, and the second Wook's voice changes or he tried to be an authority in any way, they are off. So we had a talk and I basically said 'the kid is now starting to be violent. That CANNOT happen. So either you stop all this stuff right now, or you have to leave - I can't have my kid becoming violent. He has to start a new school next year and likely a new daycare too - and I might be going back to work full time. So I have to address this stuff now, it cannot wait. And if you can't be calm, you can't be here.

So he agreed to, in effect, stop parenting entirely and just be a buddy. Which I am fine with. I have said that he can not ever lose his temper with Atti ever again. It is the only way he can regain Atti's trust. And then I signed him up for an anger management course and a 'dad's parenting boys' class that is all about modelling behaviour for your son. 

So, there are some positive steps taken, and hopefully this patch can hold for the month. The one where I am insanely busy trying to prep for exams (soooo far behind) and effectively write my whole research assignment in 10 days (topic collapse, reset, start again). And I am trying out for a job which I really want (but argh, what if it's full time?) and I need to review criminal law to do. 

So, finger crossed (or find someone to sell me speed?)

I thought 4 was supposed to be easier...

Start with the good stuff, maybe.

Sunday - swimming wasn't so bad. Atti did really well at swimming apparently. And there was less drama getting out the door - but that is because I steamrollered over the Wook and his usual Sunday morning bullshit. I mean really, what the HELL? He gets all worked up about Atti being dressed to go to the pool, when you IMMEDIATELY undress him and put on bathers. Go in his pjs, ffs and make life easy. So that was a bit easier.

Sunday afternoon Atti and I went with friends to a performance of the Gruffalo, done by our symphony orchestra. They ran the movies with the voice track, but played all the music themselves. I was beautiful and glorious. They ran 'The Gruffalo' and "The Gruffalo's Child' back to back. 

We were seated across the aisle from the rest of our group, which upset Atti a bit. The first movie, he sat with me and it was lovely watching it together. But when the second started he convinced a little girl from daycare to cross the aisle and share a seat with him, then the two of them had a great time hiding under seats and drumming on the backs of seats and singing along. It was a performance for young kids, so no one was getting too worked up about anything, but I still squashed a bit just based on the 'next time I take you to a theatre you will try this again and nope' idea.

Lovely day.

Today however.... sigh.

It all went fine this morning, and given that we had to leave early because I had a new job that I had to get to, well a trial at least.

But the rest of the day was not great. It is Halloween so he went in costume, but apparently he was spitting at daycare (again) and then he was just so naughty at my friend's house that she said he couldn't go trick or treating with them (which we had planned to do together). I was so sad, because it was going to be such a nice night - there is a part of my suburb that goes all out and it is a lovely community event now. And when Rio and Atti were little we took them (sort of by accident) and it was so much fun. But he had done things that there wasn't any way to back out of it, so there was nothing to do but come home and try and jolly him up - but with no tv to boot. We did set it up for him to knock on our door and say 'trick or treat' to his dad - but still.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. He is just so wilfully defiant right now, and I can't figure out what to do about it. I can mostly deal with it when it is just him and me, but I have no idea what to tell any of this other carers. And given that he is going to have to change daycares soon and start school next year, I just don't know how to handle it. I might be about to be offered a great job, but it seems to be full time - and I can't imagine how much worse that might make things. 

But there you go.