Moments

Atti and I were home by ourselves this afternoon, and I had gotten out the train set for us to play with. He was asking for some of the Thomas trains and I was telling him to look in the basket. I watched him go over and throw most of the the items in the basket onto the floor - his normal method of looking for something. But then, without any prompting, he put most of what he had thrown out back into the basket.

He is ok about helping put away, generally, when prompted and when you sing daycare's pack away song - and he is better if he was just playing with something. Daycare had mentioned that is not good at general packing away - when the kids have finished in one room, and they are all packing away before going to eat or whatever - he isn't great then. I guess if he wasn't playing with it, why should he pack it away?

But they must have been working with him, because he did it without thinking about it today, and that is a first.

Hard work

Atti's latest saying is 'it's hard work'. And it has been hard work over here.

We have both been sick, and I have far too much work on at the moment. And my kid has been a bit trying too. Last week we had a moment that was the first time in his nearly two years where I wanted to hit him. It was momentary, and I didn't do it, but I did have a moment of actually wanting to hit him.

I choose not to physically discipline my child, or at least not to hit him. Considering how often I physically stop him doing something, or pick him up and take him away from something, or just how I will dress him or change a nappy or put him down in bed against his will, I guess I can only really go with not hitting. 

I made this choice for a bunch of reasons. I don't necessarily disagree with others who choose to do it, but I think I there are a range of other options, and I prefer to utilise those. Anyway, that is not what this post is about.

It is just a bit rough sometimes. I am going through a rough patch. I am going to hand in a crappy assignment, probably a bit late. My volunteer work isn't going well. I am tired and cranky with all the people I live with. My camera is broken and needs mending. Just lots of this kind of stuff, that is making it hard to be happy. Also, I really can't shake this cough and sniffles.

But anyway, 'it's hard work' this parenting gig.

Mind you, he is also saying 'it's funny' - usually when he does something he knows he is not allowed to do. Throw a toy at the cat 'it's funny'. Chuck his drink bottle on the floor - 'it's funny'. You get the picture.

And then there is this

Playing at the park with his friend J.

That makes so much of it better. Also, he is sleeping through again, which makes everything better!

Still sick

All still a bit sick over here. In my case, too bad, I don't have time right now.

Atti's sleep is a bit easier, thank goodness. Now we have a different problem - he has been waking up several times a night for the last week, and because he has been unwell and not eating much (and cause we have all been so tired and, you know, whatever you need to do) we have been known to give him a drink of milk in the middle of the night.

Which he now wants every night. Hell, every time he wakes up.

I am in two minds here. He probably is hungry, actually. He isn't eating very much right now, and I would be hungry if I was awake at 2am too. But if I keep giving him bottles at night, he is never going to sleep through. So last night, I cut it off. Urgh. The weeping, the wailing, the hitting me with his little fists and the clinging to me like a vine. Poor little thing. But he did go back to sleep, and slept another 6 hours straight.

And woke me up by shouting 'wake up mama' from his room. :D

I had to head off to uni to work this morning, and I think it might be a smart move to go every week for a while. I need some extra time to get work done, and the boys go to the pool anyway. If I could work out how to get the Wookie to hear him when he wakes up, I could even get up earlier than Atti and head off to uni early, and get home while he is having his nap - which gives me time to do the prep for family dinner.

This week is going to be crazy busy (when isn't my life actually) but I am looking forward to it. We are going to go to a kids orchestra concert on Friday morning… ooh I better get the tickets actually!

Nightmares

My partner was watching the MASH movie on tv tonight. Well actually not the MASH movie, but the movie length ending. I hate that film and I didn't get out of the room before the bit I hate was on. I hate the bit where Hawkeye remembers the woman on the bus who smothered her baby - they were hiding from Chinese soldiers and she smothers the baby trying to keep it quiet so they don't all get discovered and killed.

I have dreams about that scene. Because I don't see what else she could do. But now I have a baby, and … well actually I have dreams about all kinds of awful deaths or injuries that could happen to Atti or the Wookie.

I kind of assumed this was normal, and one of those things that no-one talks about - how on some low down level you spend the rest of your life terrified that you will become that story - like the red balloons for Ryan thing - just a heartbreaking story.

But I am beginning to wonder if I am alone in this. I have made a passing comment or two to friends with kids, and I generally get the impression none of them have this problem. I mean it could just be me - or people like me, who have actually had this loss already, that have that kind of 'every day that ends with a live healthy family is a good day' mind set.

I wonder if I should be doing something about it. Seeing someone or something. I mean, it isn't impacting on anyone except me - I am the mother at the playground sitting back letting my kid climb the stuff that no-one else's two year old is climbing (until mine does, and then his mates do it too). I am pretty big on kids being competent and being pretty relaxed around them - I think the freaked out reaction from parents when something goes wrong is what they react to, mostly. So when my son jumped into the pool the other day before I had jumped in, and freaked out a bunch of the other parents, I was pretty chilled (I also did years of surf lifesaving, and knew he was fine for the 5 seconds it took me to get to him). That kind of thing.

But it does mess with my sleep a bit - at least the falling asleep bit. If any of this stuff gets in my head I have to wake up and do something else for a bit, and then try again. Definitely be true tonight after catching that bit of MASH again I suspect. Maybe I could do a bit more of the research work that isn't finished yet!

Glorious sleep

Funny how a few nights of truly awful sleep can make you so appreciative of sleep. I managed two sets of 3-4 hour sleep last night. Thrilled me no end. 

And this morning was pretty funny. Once Atti worked out that Mummy was going to work and Daddy was staying home with him, well floods of tears and environmental-protester level clinging to my leg. Right up until I mentioned that Daddy might let him watch some Thomas. Instantaneous happiness and 'bye bye mummy'.

Hmmm.

It was a bit of a poisoned chalice though. Cause it will be fine for an episode of Thomas or two, but then he will have to stop the tv and get him into the shower. And it will all go a bit pear shaped from there I suspect.

I hope it goes well, but I think Daddy is going to find that he doesn't really like staying home with the kid. It is one of those things he thinks he will enjoy, but doesn't actually get the reality of the situation. The Wookie doesn't have an appropriate expectation of Atticus, and it means when they spend time together Wook gets really frustrated and starts growling and grumping at stupid stuff.

This morning for example. He went to all the trouble of making french toast with Atti. This is one of the things we do together on our mornings at home. The next thing I hear is all this grumping because Atti won't sit and eat properly (yeah babe, cause he is two). Then I hear all this … well not quite shouting (what is the next level down?) about how Atti has done a poo, and how come he didn't tell Daddy. Then there is stomping up the hallway, and I actually heard the comment 'and now Daddy's breakfast will get cold because you didn't warn him'. So I went in there and point out that he doesn't tell you that he has done a poo, not really. And Wook said 'he tells you'. No babe, not really. Sometimes he tells me, but he is generally wrong. And if he has done one, he denies it to the sky.

And I particularly liked the 'cold food' comment. Better get used to that dude.

If he could just relax and not sweat the small stuff (and you know, read some of that stuff I give you, so you can realise that he is 2, not 9 already) he would actually enjoy being with him. And then there would probably be less of a Mummy or Opa preference. Cause he would be fun too.

In sleep hell

Urgh. Last night was hell. I think I got three hours sleep - that is three separate hours, not three contiguous hours.

I am rubbish this morning - and oh yay, I have to work today.

Co sleeping again

So yep, we have sickness..

And after he coughed himself awake three times before 9pm, I decided that the only way I was getting any sleep was if he was in the bed with me, so I could soothe him back to sleep during the night.

But. but but but. He doesn't sleep in our bed. He plays with my hair, and climbs all over me, and rolls onto his father, and talks to me, and sings to me and so on. But actually sleep - no, that doesn't happen.

Well last night I decided to give it a go. First he monkeyed about with his dad til 10pm. Then I explained to him that we were all going to sleep in the one bed, and he got very excited. He marched out to the lounge room to tell his Daddy that he had to come to bed NOW. Very funny.

So about 10pm we all went to bed. Back to bed for Atti. And the Wookie dropped off about 20 minutes in, but it took til after 11 til Atti was asleep. And then Wookie started snoring, and Atti was coughing and sighing - this would be the point that I worked out that I wasn't going to get a lot of sleep. But I did sleep, even if I was woken like 4 times (one of the, about 4am I think, by Atti deciding to sing to me. But I might have been dreaming I guess). He even went back to sleep after the Wookie's alarm went off. But he had lost about 2 hours so an extra half hour was not anything to get excited about.

And then he didn't nap apparently. Grandparents, I tell ya. Proper cot or no proper cot at the grandies, he is going to have to have his naps here. He was a MESS by bedtime tonight.

I have to admit though - a part of me totally loved it. I adored waking up with him in the bed. I loved him snuggling into me this morning and soothing him back to sleep. Just adored it. Wonder if he might go back to sleep in the mornings…. no no Grouchie - remember it was over an hour to get him to sleep. Not dealing with THAT every morning!