Horrible things happen to children every day

And I struggle with this a bit, as a Mum. It feels like every time I log into Yahoo, there are dead babies or kids on their news front page. So much so that I am honestly thinking about killing off my account. And I don't watch the news. And there a lot of tv shows that I don't watch anymore.

Because I struggle to cope with these things as a Mum. I don't sleep as much as I should because I have trouble falling asleep - all these things flood my brain as I try to fall asleep, and I project them onto my family. And then I have to go read rubbishy stuff on the internet for a while, to put it out of my head, and try again. Hence the current sleep deprivation - which doesn't help with this stuff.

During my holidays I started re-watching and old show that I liked - something fairly innocuous that I could play while I was doing dishes or cooking or folding laundry, cleaning, whatever. Private Practice. I know I watched it after Angel died, because I noticed that a lot of the preemie 'medicine' on there is wrong - or at least not what I learnt when I was going through it. There was even an episode that was pretty nearly our experience and they did something that my doctors said no one would ever do. 

But I had never noticed how AWFUL the stuff that happens to kids in that show is. I mean really really awful stuff happens. Stuff that is seriously hard to watch as a parent. I think I am going to have to stop, because I really need to start getting more sleep, and the Wook goes back to work on Monday (so do I actually) so I can't really get anymore morning sleep ins to make up for it.

I don't know if my reaction to this stuff is normal, I never hear this from other people. That they have trouble sleeping because they have sort of nightmares that their kids are going to get sick or die. And it is starting to get a bit more than that too. Yesterday on the bus home from town, there was a man on the bus who was very drunk and who I took to be, if not homeless, then in some kind of life-style distress. And I was looking at my son thinking that it isn't impossible that could be his future. Mental illness, some kind of accident, addiction, abuse - that it one possible future for him. Obviously I will do all I can to ensure that isn't his future (and statistically it certainly isn't) but….

This is where my head goes these days. Admittedly not for long. I have the thought, I give him a cuddle and I move on and we do something…. but still. Is this other people's experience? Should I be seeing someone about this? Is it just my 'black irish' mood?

Christmas is over

Thank goodness.

It is exhausting with a 2 year old. And his OTT Grandparents. And a lot of friends.

Our Christmas day was long, with various Skype calls to family and friends before heading to the park with a friend to have breakfast. It was the first Christmas for her with her kids with their father, and we really didn't want her to be alone. We got to the Grandparents in time for Atti to have a nap while we started the long multi course meal. He woke up as we were eating the ham, and joined us at the table. A break to open gifts, then some desert, then some running around playing with the Grandies. 

One of the gifts he got (that is DEFINITELY staying there) was a spinning top that lights up and plays 'gingham style'. He had great fun dancing to it.

But then he started asking to go home, and I was with him. We came home and spent a quite few hours curled up on the couch watching The Gruffalo and The Gruffalo's Child together. Then early to bed for everyone.

I really need to remember next year the things that didn't work this year. It has all been a bit overwhelming for him, and too many parties, too much stuff, too much excitement. 

The days after Christmas have been a bit rough - re-entry I guess. He is tired (sleeping a bit less than normal at the moment), he is teething, the house is cluttered with new toys and there are lots of guests coming and going, his Daddy is off work for a few weeks so around a lot more, his normal routine is all different. I think he will be grateful to go to daycare tomorrow and get back to normal. The next three days will be mostly his normal routine, and that should be good for him I think. And I am going to take down the Christmas tree and pack away some toys to clear things visually and in terms of choice for him. And the iPad is going into hiding for a few days to give him a bit of a break I think.

I certainly have a clearer idea of what is going to happen next year, in terms of the whole thing being a lot less overwhelming. 

My photography journey

I was given a DSLR last year by a friend. He is a long time photography buff, who is a) a bit of a nerd, so he really gets to grips with any subject he is interested in, and b) he has a fairly high income, so he can indulge his hobbies with the best equipment and learning and so on. I had been chatting to this friend because I was interested in getting more into photography - at this point I had been sitting in baby playgroups for about 6 months, and had started snapping pix on my iPhone…. not out of boredom exactly… but you know. Lets say I had become interested in the record keeping and fun of babies.

Anyway, he was living overseas, and I called him up to have a chat about cameras, and what I should be looking at getting. Within budget constraints and so on. He gave me some advice, and I conceded that I would have to save up for a while, because it wasn't something I could just go out and buy right off.

Then two nights later he rang me back and said 'My old camera is sitting at my parents house not being used, so when I am home in a few weeks I will give it to you on indefinite loan. Which he did (he is a really awesome friend, quite aside from the amazing stuff he will pass on to you when he upgrades. Awesome guy), along with a stash of lenses and some other kit. I upped my portable contents insurance to ensure I could replace it all if anything happened, and an unspoken agreement became that I would photograph all his family functions, so he could actually do stuff with his kids and so on. It has worked wonderfully well so far.

In the year that I had his camera, I became a reasonable photographer - well of kids playing in natural light I did. My parents group loved it, as did various friends, and my daycare, who benefited from my new hobby.

Anyway, recently I acquired a whizz-bang brand spanking new version of the over-a-decade-old model camera he had given me. And promptly turned into a terrible photographer. All the bells and whistles will probably be wonderful, once I learn how to use them.

Because, of course, I am a mum to a 2 year old, a law student, a partner, have a household to run, have a part time job, am part of a sort-of-commune, and have various other responsibilities. In my little spare time I have preferred to watch tv or read or cook. However, I have two months off from most of my regular stuff, and so can finally work my way through the book and dvd that came with my camera, and months ago I bought access to a bunch of online photography classes. I also was given various books and toys (a light box set up for example) by various friends who are photo buffs too. So I have me a bit of learning to do, and I thought I would set up a separate section of my blog to track it.

This is just by way of intro, I will start on the journey in the next post.

Santa success

We had a bit of a win today, a Christmas Miracle.

My son walked up to Santa and took his present at the daycare xmas party.

Sounds a bit lame, I know. Miracle you sniff. As if.

But, this is last year's xmas party.

And so, you know, anything but this is better!

Awwww

We are having some teething issues over here… Atti's 2 year molars are coming in and he isn't having the best time of it. Dummies are pretty much all day at the moment, I am getting up when he has lost one and is crying at least twice a night now, and there are lots of tears, clinginess, not as much sleep and not as much eating.

But, in between that, we have had some really lovely moments.

I was cooking after his nap this afternoon and he was amusing himself playing with various toys in the next room. Until he marched into the kitchen, a little book tucked right up under his arm, took my hand and lead me out to his little table and chairs saying 'come on Mummy, we read this now'. And then we read the book, and after he march off to his room with the book tucked back under his arm. The book was 'where do kisses come from'. It was so cute.

We also had a pretty adorable playdate yesterday. Half of it turned into a nekkid playdate, so I won't be posting any pix from that, for obvious reasons (although, soooo much cuteness). But we moved indoors after a while, which required nappies, and from that point the videos and pix became publishable again.

So - the bit where Atti headed off for the bedrooms with his little mate's enormous teddy bear

And earlier that day we discovered a fake beach in the middle of town. So a quick shopping break at the beach was clearly in order.

Bit early isn't it?

I had both kids at my place the other day, and Atti announced that he 'wanted to go home'. I was a bit startled - he has been saying this A LOT lately, everywhere we go, but it was a bit… well weird given that he was home.

The startled feeling remained when Rio told him 'We ARE home Atti' - well one of you is…. and then he announced that he wanted to home and 'talk to Kira' (Rio's mum who lives upstairs). He stomped upstairs and I had to follow him up because I knew Kira was in the shower.

I was chatting to her later, telling her about this, and saying that I simply could not cope with the re-organisation that would be involved in swapping our kids!

Turns out it might have a bit to do with the present cupboard she maintains upstairs. She goes on big buy ups when there are kids toy sale of the particular small plastic and irritating toys Rio likes to collect. They live in the cupboard above the hallway, and Rio earns them in various ways. She and I recently went halves in a huge stash of the toys and figurines that come with a tv show both our kids like, and she has been allowing them to borrow toys from the cupboard for harmony in playdates. I did something similar when one of Atti's friends came over for a playdate the other day. Atti doesn't really know we have a similar present stash, so he has decided to move upstairs where the good toys are.

Well until he gets an owie. Then I notice it is home to Mummy quick-smart!

Critique?

As part of his bedtime routine, Atti has a bath, drinks some warm milk, gets into his pyjamas and night nappy, then we read a few books, then I turn out the reading light, put on the white noise, sing him a song and put him into the cot. He rolls over, I make sure he knows where the toys he sleeps with are and I put his elephant doona over him, and say good night and leave.

The last week or so, during the song, he has said that he wants to go to bed now.

Which is nice and all, but I'm wondering if I should be offended? I mean my singing isn't THAT bad.

LOL.